


The Fuckboy on Floor Seven

by icantdoanythingwrite



Category: PewDiePie - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: College AU, Fuckboy, Love Triangle sorta, M/M, lots of fucking smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-04-07 20:05:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14088642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icantdoanythingwrite/pseuds/icantdoanythingwrite
Summary: ❝I honestly don't know which one's worse...that I kissed you, or that a fuckboy kissed me.❞; in which Jack breaks Mark's heart, so Mark breaks beds





	1. DISCLAIMER

**Author's Note:**

> lots of smut, not for anyone under like idk 13? but if you are, just uh... keep it low-key.

**_DO NOT_ ** **force ships on people, whether in the comments of a youtube video or real life, let people have the freedom to ship whomever they want.**

**_DO NOT_ ** **harass anyone mentioned in this book–or anyone for that matter.**

**Everything in this book is pure** **_ FICTION _ ** **, created by yours truly. I am not saying that any of this is real, please please please BE RESPECTFUL. To Tyler. To Ethan. To Mark. To Jack. To** **Signe** **. To Felix. To Ken. To Marzia. To Amy. To fellow shippers/readers. To** **me** **.**

**_ d o n t  b e  a n  a s s h o l e _ ** **_. _ **


	2. Hallmates

**_❝I have to warn you❞_ **

**_❝About?❞_ **

**_❝The fuckboy on floor seven.❞_ **

 

**Jack**

The turbulence jolts me out of my slumber, shaking me awake. I lift my head off of the stranger's shoulder quickly, embarrassment showing on my cheeks. "Sorry," I mumble sleepily.

The guy beside me blushes as well, quickly averting my gaze. "It's okay, you're cute when you sleep," he says in a sheepishly quiet voice.

My head fills with thoughts as the memories I've been avoiding come rushing back.

\--

I groggily throw my arm over my eyes in an attempt to block the sunlight that was seeping through the curtains, flooding the room with light. A small breath leaves my lips as I blink my tiredness away.

"Mark?" I call out sleepily, clawing at the emptiness of his bed before sitting up and sweeping my eyes around his room. "Mark?" I call again in slight confusion, pulling the covers from my body and letting the cold air hit my torso. I usually wake up before him.

The smell of bacon fills my nostrils and I lazily make my way down the stairs to see Mark cooking. I walk into the narrow kitchen, pressing a kiss on his shoulder as I wrap my arms around his waist.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I ask, ghosting my thumbs over his tanned skin.

His breathing hitches and I feel him shudder as my breath hits the back of his neck. "You're cute when you sleep," he says softly.

Mark places the bacon on a plate once it's done and turns off the stove. He spins around to kiss me, the force of it making me lose balance and stumble into the kitchen counter directly opposite of the stove.

\--

"Are you okay?" The man asks, which knocks me back into reality. I can't quite say that I was thankful, which is evident on my face as I give him an almost bitter smile.

I desperately want to say what was really on my mind, to pour my secrets and my grief onto him. To rant and ramble, and bash on Mark for thinking I'd ever break the trust we had bound into the ring on his finger or the bracelet around my wrist. To defend myself and swear up and down that cheating was never in my lifestyle, nor would it ever be. I want to get the heavy thoughts out of my head and off my chest, so that I could finally breathe in the crisp Los Angeles air without the dull tightness around my throat.

But that's just something you don't say to a complete stranger–even if your drool is on their shirt.

"I haven't been here in ages. Lots of memories were made here," I say contemplatively, an upsurge of immense guilt washing over my body. I turn my head to look at the back of the seat in front of me.

"Hopefully you can make more," the boy says. I was uncertain if he was hinting at himself or if he was just being nice. Hopefully, Mark will forgive me.

"Jack," I say, politely introducing myself to the stranger. I feel the airplane tilt, indicating that we were only about a few hundred feet from landing.

"Felix," he says. "You from Ireland?"

I nod my head. "Yeah," I reply, intrigued by his interest in me. I turn my head to the left, connecting my eyes with his, a soft smile playing on his lips. "What about you?"

"I'm from Sweden, but I live here." My eyebrows scrunch together, a feeling of puzzlement accompanying his words. "Was visiting family over Christmas break," he explains, noticing my confusion.

"That makes sense... Are you in school?" I ask the attractive man, genuinely curious.

"Yeah, college actually," he says, shifting in his seat to face towards me. I nod my head in comprehension, feeling the plane's wheels hit the ground, causing a minuscule bump that barely strains our conversation. The seatbelt logo shuts off and I don't hesitate to unbuckle mine.

"I'd love to finish our chat sometime," I say and hand Felix my phone, watching him as he types his number in, passing my phone back to me once he is finished. As I look down at my phone, I notice that he sent himself a text message instead of making a new contact.

**Jack:**

**Hey babe**

I roll my eyes. "Babe? Really?" Felix shrugs his shoulders before winking at me. I stand and follow the crowd of drained and groggy people off the plane, losing Felix before I reach the main entrance.

\--

Mark moans into the kiss as I hook my fingers onto his mustache pyjama pants, him sliding his tongue over the bottom of my lip. Giving him access to the inside of my mouth, I pull him closer until his chest is grazing against mine.

He pulls away to catch his breath and I wet my lips with my tongue. "You know why I love you, babe? Because you're such a lovely boyfriend," I say gingerly, motioning to the breakfast he made us.

He looks down blushing, almost shuffling his feet. "I'd much rather be your husband," he whispers, causing me to smile. I softly place my fingers on his chin, lightly pushing his face to level with mine as I connect our lips in a soft peck.

I grasp his cheek in one hand, rubbing the pad of my thumb onto his skin, before slipping from his grasp. I rush up the stairs to our room, digging through my nightstand and grab the small black box. I anxiously bound down the stairs, a hole of excitement gnawing at my nerves as my stomach proceeds to perfect its backflips.

Hiding the box–containing the size nine silver band with "I love you" engraved on it–behind my back, I grab his hand before lowering myself on one knee. "Mark Edward slash Smartass Fischbach, who couldn't wait for our anniversary, will you make me the happiest man alive," I pull the box from behind my back, opening it, "and marry me?"

Mark's mouth opens and his eyes widen, the shock on his face making the butterflies in my stomach flutter. He pulls me up impatiently and presses his lips onto mine, smiling into the kiss. I give him a quizzical look as we pull apart. "What? Did you expect me to break down crying, screaming 'yes' at the top of my lungs," he asks, pulling me in closer.

"I think it's more appropriate to leave the screaming for tonight." I smile as his lips press against mine again. "This isn't your official ring; it's just a promise one..." I laugh wholeheartedly, taking the ring out of the box, "because I promise to get you a better one when I can afford it." He shakes his head, pure joy clouding his eyes. His happiness radiates off of him, causing my smile to widen.

"I don't care, Seán. I love you so much," he says, grabbing for his gift. I slide it onto his finger, before snatching a piece of crispy bacon off of the counter.

"I love you too, babe," I say, mouth full of bacon, watching as his sweet smile meets his eyes as a few tears prick mine. I'm going to marry my soulmate.

**_\--_ **

I feel like collapsing, the energy I once had with no trouble seems to drain itself out of my body, my legs wobbly and unsteady. I hurriedly grab for my luggage, before racing out to call for a taxicab to get to my campus as quickly as possible. I just need a nice nap right now.

I finally get someone's attention and shove my stuff in the back of the taxi, before sliding into the back, sinking into the seat. "Where to?" The cab driver asks, their deep voice soothing my nerves, diminishing my uneasiness.

A tap on the glass startles us both as I snap my head to come face to face with the man from the plane. I roll down the window and Felix gives me a smile. "Mind if we half the cab?"

I roll my eyes playfully. "You just can't stay away from me, can you?" Felix laughs before putting his suitcase in the back and joins me in the long seat. "I technically didn't say yes, you could be a serial killer for all I know."

The female-looking person in the front seat peers at me through the rearview mirror, their defined eyebrows raising as to question if I was okay with him being here. I nod and their lips stretch into a polite smile. "So... where to?"

"Northridge Campus," we both say in unison, a playful tension rising. The driver pulls away from the airport as I glance over at the Swedish boy next to me in coy amusement.

"I didn't know you were going to Northridge," he says, a small glint of enthusiasm in his eyes

I shrug my shoulders, a flirtatious smirk playing on my lips. "Well, you never asked."

Felix rolls his eyes, feigning annoying. The crinkles next to his eyes draw my attention as I can't help but fall into a deeper trance around him. "What floor are you on?"

I somehow manage to snap myself out of it to answer. "I-I don't know, I'm getting my dorm today," I say, fixing the beanie on my head.

"You're probably going to get a sucky one," Felix says, hitting my shoulder with his.

"Aw man," I say, a small pang of disheartening worry hits as I look down into my hands.

"I'm on floor four... You could just crash at mine," Felix says, wiggling his eyebrows and gives me a teasing wink. His face seems to slowly retract to a more serious look. "But, I have to warn you." 

"About?"

His voice lowers to a deep whisper. "The fuckboy on floor seven."

Peaking my curiosity, I smile smugly. "Is he cute?" I hesitantly give him a slight flirty wink.

Felix playfully scoffs. "Very."

I play with the bracelet sliding down my arm.

**_\--_ **

"Hey, babe," Mark calls from the living room. I place my open book on the kitchen table I

Mark digs inside of a Walmart bag before sheepishly pulling out a small bracelet. "What's this for?" I ask, smiling at the gift.

"I-I know it's not a ring," he says as I look down at his finger. "But it's all I can afford right now."

I pull him closer before kissing him softly. "It's okay," I say, looking at the bracelet, it was a thick black string with a metal plate on it. The plate read, 'To the Moon and Back.' A continuation of what his ring says. I look up at him and feel a few tears spring to my eyes. "I-I love it."

I wrap my arms around his neck in a tight hug as I dig my face into his shoulder. He is a few inches shorter than me, but I didn't care. I peck him multiple time before he lightly pushes me down on the couch.

He swings his leg to the other side of mine and climbs on top of me, grabbing my face to connect our lips again. I could feel the cold touch of his ring and smile into the loving kiss. I move my hands to his waist, my thumbs on his tummy. "I love you," I mumble against his lips and he deepens the kiss.

We break apart briefly. "To the Moon and back," he says, fully embracing the cheesiness of our exchange.

 

**Mark**

I push him against the wall, not caring if he gets hurt in the process; he was just some random guy who was hard. His light blue eyes radiate lust and I kiss him harshly, leaving him weak. I grip onto his brown hair and he moans into my mouth. Feeling the fabric of his jeans rub against my torso, I let out a groan of discomfort.

I unbuckle his belt, before pulling down his pants and boxers, his erect dick springing up. I smirk at him and rub his member before slamming my lips back onto his.

My kisses to strangers are never sweet. The only soft kisses I've ever shared were with Seán.

\--

"Mark," Seán says, waking me up. I peel open my eyes to stare into his blue ones. He smiles at me and I blush, hurrying to fix my bed head. "You're so cute."

He takes my hand from my hair and holds it in his. I feel him rub the back of my hand with his thumb. Looking down, I notice something missing. "Where's your bracelet?"

"I took it off before bed, why?" I look down, a small feeling of stupidity in my stomach. Retracting my arm, I roll over, causing my back to face him. "Babe?"

I could hear the worriness in his voice and a pang of guilt hit me. I forgot to tell him. "I don't want you to take it off." Why was I acting all sensitive? It was a very childish thing of me to do, considering I had Seán as my own now.

"Okay," he says. I hear the bed shift as his body leaves mine, before he grabs me, pulling me into him. He puts on the bracelet and grabs my hand again. "Can I take it off ever?"

"You can take it off when you stop loving me," I say, dramatically with a slight frown on my lips. Seán leans closer and kisses me, making my downturned lips twitch into a smile.

"So never." I smile before giving him a peck and cuddling into him further. He laughs and I feel the vibration run through his chest.

I look up to see him staring at me. "What?"

"I love you," he says, his voice soft and serious. "So much." He leans down and gives me the softest kiss I've ever experienced leaving my lips numb and craving more.

**_\--_ **

I shove myself into the random guy on my bed, angry for thinking of Seán. The man lets out a low moan, making me grimace. Seán's was always high pitched: his laugh, his sigh, his moan. I miss making love to him.

But this–me and a random stranger having sex–is not love.

This is the definition of fucking and I am the definition of  _fuckboy_.

I feel him grab onto my hips as I roll them against his. I lean down and bite his shoulder. He lets out a pleased sound and I feel myself becoming close. The rattling of the headboard echoes through my dorm as the sweaty boy below me lets out another moan.

"Mark," he screams as I thrust myself sharply inside him. I find his dick and began to rub him as his head lolls to the side and he releases on my chest. "Maa-ark," he lets out slowly.

I bite my lip as I feel myself about to cum, muffling my screams inside of his shoulder. I pull out, hearing him groan as I do so and roll over on the bed as we were both panting in the frail air.

**_\--_ **

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask, Seán slowly nods his head as I continue with my insecurity. "Th-This is my first time."

Seán looks at me. And, oh how breathless he looks in this moment, staring into my eyes, his soft, pink lips slightly parted. With his hands resting against my flushed cheek, he says, "Mine too."

A small pit of excitement bubbles inside my stomach as I kiss him slowly. Seán softly grabs for my pants and slowly pushes them down. I step out of my black jeans and raise my shirt over my head as he takes off his pants.

I giggle at his pink boxers, as he tries to cover them with his hands before just taking them off. "Shut up," he says embarrassed, pulling me closer. I connect our lips and he smiles at my actions.

"This is why I do laundry," I tease, causing Seán to chuckle. I take the opportunity to slip my tongue inside his mouth as we breathlessly fight for dominance.

He wins before picking me up and carrying me to the bed, my legs wrap around his torso, his right hand steadily holding my back, while his left cups my thigh. He places me gently on the bed before climbing on top of me.

"Shouldn't the taller one top?" I balance on my tippy-toes, attempting to look taller than him, earning a soft chuckle from Seán. He never misses a chance to make me fall in love with him all over again.

"I have more experience, so therefore I win, plus we're about the same height," Seán says, causing me to roll my eyes. "Hey, I've had a blowjob before."

"Yeah, I gave it to you." I grab the back of his neck softly and pull him down to gently kiss him again.

**_\--_ **

I try to push the thought of Seán and I out of my head, but his smile engraves itself into my mind as his laugh hauntingly echoes through my brain.

I push myself out of bed and pick up his clothes, handing them to him. The random man beside me catches his breath. "You're kicking me out?" A look of disbelief crosses his face, resulting in an 'Are you fucking serious' look from me. His eyes fill with hurt as he rolls his eyes and shoves on his boxers and pants, before pulling on his shirt and walking out the door with his shoes in hands. He slams the door and I let out a bitter chuckle, ruffling my damp hair as I walk towards the bathroom.

I jerk the shower door open and turn on the faucet. I play with the ring Seán gave me, before bursting into tears. Stupid, he doesn't love you anymore. I fling my arms around, disturbing some of the bottles as they fall in the middle of my blind rage, clattering on the shower floor.

_He never did._

 

**Jack**

"Thank you," I say as Felix hands over fifteen dollars. Shit, how much is Ireland money worth here? I pull out fifteen Euros and Felix stops me. He hands the driver ten more dollars. "Sorry, I don't have American money yet."

Felix playfully glares at me and I blush a little. "Just don't forget you owe me." I nod. He lets out a loud laugh. "Come on."

I grab my suitcases and catch up to Felix who was waiting for me at the sign-in desk. "Seán McLoughlin."

The lady nods her head and hands me a schedule and my dorm key. "I have faith that your friend will show you around."

Felix sighs. "If I have to-" I punch him in the shoulder.

"Floor seven. Room B," she says as Felix's face drains of colour. "Is he-"

"He's fine." I grab his arm and pull him away from the desk. "Where are the dorms? I wanna see this  _fuckboy_." He points to the dorm building.

Felix trails behind me as I push the stair door open to floor seven. Felix grabs my wrists and pulls me back into the doorway; a small yelp escapes my lips. "Please," he says, flicking his between both of mine. "Don't fall for him."

_Weirdo._

My mouth opens to say something, but I quickly close it and settle on nodding my head. We continue walking as we pass Room S, Room R, and Room Q. The letters seemed to disappear the deeper we travel into the hallway and I soon lose track of which letter goes where.

Four rooms appear at the end of the hall, parallel to one another. I release the handle on the suitcase and drop my computer bag, placing it carefully beside my luggage.

I held my breath and shoved my key into the first one on the right. The lock didn't seem to budge, so I began to pull the key out of the door. "It's stuck," I say, looking over at Felix.

"What do you mean, 'it's stuck'?" He pushes me out of the way and tries to rip the key from the wrong door. He twists the key, jiggling the lock before he gives up, kicking the door in frustration.

"I mean it's fuc-" My words were cut off by the door swinging open to a pissed off man with wet blue hair. "I-I." He narrows his eyes at Felix, whose face was inches away from his.

"You have five seconds to tell me why you were trying to break into my room,  _Felix_ ," he says, practically ignoring my entire existence, which I was debating if I was happy about. "We fucked once, get the hell over it."

Felix flinches as the man's hand crumples the front of his t-shirt. My eyes harden as I push him off of Felix. "Listen here, dickbag, this is all a misunderstanding. I thought this was my room and, apparently, it isn't." The room reeks of sweat and orgasms, even five feet away from the door.  _And I'm glad it's not._

His eyes land on me as he forms his hands into fists and he shakes his head. "How do I know you're not lying?" I push past him, reaching for the doorknob. I pull at the key, trying to get it from the lock. "You jammed your key into my door?"

"I thought it was mine, sorry," I grumble, removing my hand from his doorknob and stepping away from him. He rubs the bridge of his nose as a huff of annoyance fills the air between us.

"I'll have the Dean look at it tomorrow; I'm too tired for this bullshit." He gives Felix one last glare and a slight glance in my direction, before slamming the door in both of our faces.

"I don't mean to intrude, but what was that about?" A voice from behind us asks, causing Felix and I to spin around. I give him an embarrassed stare as he chuckles. "I'm Ken. I actually am expecting a roommate, but I didn't know you'd be here this early."

Thinking back to the flight here, I realize we landed earlier than planned. "I actually just got off the plane, sorry for not giving you a heads up," I say, regretting my bitter tone. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't be an ass to you. M' name's Jack." I outstretch my hand as he firmly grasps it with his tanner one.

He lets out a heavy sigh. "Phew, I thought I was going to have a 'dickbag' for a roommate," he says, releasing my hand. My cheeks heat up as I shy away from his gaze. Felix chuckles at me, before pulling me closer by my waist. "Oh, I see, jealous boyfriend." Ken put his hands up in defense. "I respect that."

"Oh we're no-" Felix cuts me off with a soft peck on my forehead, causing me to blush a deep red. We met a few  _hours_  ago, not years.

"It's okay, babe, we no longer have to hide it." His eyes gleam in the sunlight seeping through the window as he holds my waist. I shake my head, laughing at him while shoving away his hand. "He's a little shy."

"I'm not shy," I say, picking up my computer bag. "And I'm not your boyfriend, either." Felix chuckles at this, placing his lips on my cheek. I roll my eyes, feigning annoyance as I step past Ken to throw my stuff on the bare bed.

"What's up, Fe?" Ken asks as they do a weird handshake, ending in a 'brofist'. "How's Marzia?" The mysterious person peaks my interest as I slowly turn to face the two of them conversing.

"Uh... she's good. We're kind of broken up right not," Felix says as a breath of relief escapes me. His eyes connect with mine as his eyebrows raise, a soft smile on his lips. "You know, it's not nice to eavesdrop."

"Sorry," I say, looking down at my bed.  _I wonder if they have any spare bedding_. "H-Hey, Ken?"

"Yes, Jack?" Ken asks, leaning against the doorway. I awkwardly glance at my bed. "Did you not pack any sheets?" I shake my head, looking at Felix for help.

"There might be some spare ones, but they more than likely have bed bugs or lice." I let out a sigh, not wanting either. "We can stop by the store if you want." I nod my head sheepishly.

 

**Mark**

My slumber was soon interrupted by loud laughter in the hallway. I groan, rolling over in my bed as another round of giggles erupt outside my door. I throw my pillow on top of my ears as the annoyance ensues.

I become aware that I was up and wasn't falling asleep anytime soon. I rip the blanket from my body as I lay awake, staring at my ceiling. I huff in annoyance, picking up my sweat-stained sheets and blanket before opening my door in only my black sweatpants.

I prop the door open with one of my converses before turning around to be met with two pairs of eyes on me. " _That's_  the fuckboy?" One asks, checking me out. I send a wink to the two girls as they let out a small squeal.

_Too bad I'm gay_ , I think, inwardly laughing. I let out a sigh as I walk down the long hallway. I finally make it to the laundry room on our floor and open the door. The washing machines weren't half as good as my brother's, but I'm sure he wouldn't want to know about his bother's 'activities'.

There was a cough from the other side of the room as my head jerks to find the source of the sound. My eyes were met with Felix and Ken sitting on the washing machines across from the one the new kid was bending over to reach inside of.

My eyes linger on his ass, as his shirt rides up, revealing some of his pale skin.

**_\--_ **

Seán bends over the table, placing the glass plate down. His jeans move with him as his hoodie shows off some of his beautiful skin. I wrap my arms around his waist, kissing his neck. His breathing picks up as he nearly drops the other plate.

"M-Mark, my parents will be here any minute," he says, lightly pushing me.

I grab his hips, pulling them closer to mine. "But that's the exciting part," I say, kissing on the back of his collarbone. He presses his back against my torso and lets out a high squeak. "You're so beautiful like that," I say, as my hand runs down his hip and to his thighs.

He gives a weak attempt to push me off of him. "Y-You need to stop, what if th-they... Mark," Seán moans out, causing me to suck harder on his collarbone. His pants fill the dead air and I rip off his hoodie as he takes care of his pants.

I begin to palm him through his jeans as he lets out a soft moan and I push my hands into his pants. My fingers wrap around his hard length and I slowly jerk him off, turning him around so I can see his face as he finishes. I quicken my pace, causing Seán to throw his head back allowing me to kiss his exposed neck.

He lets out a loud moan as the doorbell rang. "M-Mark," he says. "My parents are here."

**_\--_ **

"Mark?" Felix calls. I was staring at the washing machine in front of me, grasping onto my blanket tightly. I crane my neck to look at him, expectantly. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "'Course," I say, my voice sounding dry and strained. I clear my throat, the lump forming doesn't go away so I didn't bother to say anything else, knowing they weren't convinced.

The boy with green hair looks at me, sympathetically. "You're crying, Mark." His Irish accent catches me off guard. I knew we had exchange students as this was the most popular school in LA, the most popular city of California.

His eyes beam of sincerity and innocence; an exact representation of Sean's (besides the broken haze of them). "Ju-ust a thought, no biggie." I open the small washing machine and throw my black blanket into it; inserting the quarters lying on top of the wooden counter beside the machine.

"We'll be back," Felix says as he grabs Ken's arm and drags him out of the room, leaving me and leprechaun boy alone.

**_\--_ **

He pushes me off as we both rush to pull on our clothes. "I could suck you off in the bathroom during dinner," I say as Seán's face heats up. I give him a loving kiss on the lips. He cautiously opens the door to reveal his mom and dad.

"Hi mum, hi pa." His dad looks past him and his eyes land on me.

"Who's this?" He asks, coming into the small apartment we shared. I gave him a small smile, waiting for my  _boyfriend_  to introduce me.

The silence grows and I outstretch my hand. "Mark, Seán's roommate," I say in a polite tone. He grasps my hand, shaking it firmly.

"Hope you're keeping my boy out of trouble," he says with a deep laugh. I chuckle, nervously.

"Of course, sir," I say. Seán motions towards the table and we all slide into our seats. "Potatoes?" I ask, standing up to pass a bowl to him.

"I have to ask, Mark," he says, standing from his seat as I nod my head. He calls Seán's over. "Why are you wearing my son's hoodie and why does he have a hickey?"

Seán's eyes went wide as he looks down at his – my – t-shirt.

"We um, you know how boys are, sharing clothes, we are close friends and..." I look at Seán for help. "Plus his clothes are comfy," I mumble.

Seán laugh slightly, before biting his lip nervously. "Mum, Pa; M-Mark is my... uh, well fiancé." I pull Seán closer to me.

"Dammit!" Seán's mom exclaims, rustling through her brown purse, handing her husband five crisp Euros. "And he's engaged." The disappointment in her voice causes my blood to boil.

"I win," he says, crumbling the Euros in his palms. "Plus he's not bad-looking." He gives Seán a brofist, before turning to me. He clamps a hand on my shoulder. "Welcome to the family, son."

**_\--_ **

I lean against the wall beside the door, my arms crossed and a goofy smile on my lips as I wait for my bedding to wash in the school's low-maintenance machine. A sense of eyes on me knocks me out of my trance as I glance over to see the kid with green hair staring at me.

"Uh... can I help you?" I ask, scanning over his appearance. He reminds me of Seán, but... grown-up. I mentally roll my eyes at the thought.

"No, you just reminded me of someone." I take a sharp intake of breath as I swiftly turn my body towards him.

"So do you."


	3. Late-Night Laundry

❝ ** _I can't shake the feeling we've met._** ❞

 

**Jack**

"I love you," I say, consuming Mark's trembling body in my arms. He nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck. "Please don't forget about me."

My eyes begin to water, "I could never." He pulls back to kiss me, feeling his lips mold onto mine. He's my soulmate, my muse, my light, my one shot at true bliss. Hell, he loves me more than my own mother does.

I love him so much that the thought of never being able to hold him again pains me. "I wish you could come with me," I say, somberly. His reconnects our eyes as a small trace of consideration is noticeable in his eyes. "Please," I whisper in a barely audible tone, my voice wavering.

"I know baby, I do too." Some strangers were walking past us, some glaring, some smiling, some giving us sad looks. I didn't care, I love him with my entire heart, soul, and body. He consumes the entirety of my mind with his joyful laugh and a breathtaking smile. With his soft lips and deep chocolate eyes.

"Why don't you?" I smile at the thought of him meeting my parents for the second time, him attending holidays with us, and teaching him Irish terms. "We could live in my cabin, it's not that far from my parents but they won't mind, your moans are great." I wink at him as he shushes away from my gaze.

He blushes, looking down at his black converses. "I wish... I wish I could Seán." He reaches my eyes once again. "But, you know that I can't."

A tear drops down his face and I hurry to wipe it from his cheek. "I love you."

"Flight B3 will be leaving in two minutes." We were in front of the gate so we didn't think much of it.

"I love you, too." He places his lips onto mine, tracing my jawline with his thumbs, my lips twitch at the contact. I wish he did that more before I had to leave. I want him to scream, to beg me to stay. "Seán..." I look at him as he opens his plump, pink lips.

"Flight B3 is now boarding." I look down at my shoes.

"I-I have to go," I say. Mark's eyes seem to panic as his breathing cuts into short pants. I pull him into me, trying to steady his breathing. "Baby, calm down." I kiss his nose as his chest starts to slow down.

"I-I can't lose you, pl-" It feels like someone's hands were around my throat–cutting off my life source, which at this point I didn't know if it was oxygen or Mark.

"I'm sorry, I love you so much." He looks back at me, both of us crying.

"To the Moon and back, right?" His voice cracks, his eyes peering into mine, searching for reassurance.

"Further than that, baby." I kiss him passionately before we share one last hug. I pick up my carry-on. I give him one last smile before walking down the stretch to board my plane.

My legs were numb and I could feel myself about to collapse as I sit in one of the chairs. I feel like I had just walked away from the love of my life forever. My skin grew cold, craving his arms around me again. I couldn't feel anything. Even though we were still together, it felt like someone had just ripped my heart out and threw it in the ocean.

The one that would soon separate me from Mark.

**_\--_ **

My head pounds as the attractive man stares at me, his blue hair resting messily on the top of his head. His large arms crossed over his toned chest and his mustache pyjama pants hang dangerously low on his hips.

He looks like an older version of Mark; ironically, they share the same name. The almond shape of his eyes, the plump pink lips, his small and rounded ears, everything reminds me of him.

He lets out a huff of amusement, turning his head to stare at the washing machine in front of him. His jaw flexes as he chews on his bottom lip. "I don't mind being checked out half-naked, but you could at least buy me dinner first."

"I-I wasn't... m' sorry," I say, knowing a quick apology was better than explaining the position I was in. Mark always talked about this being his dream college. I could see why; he loved LA more than he loved me. Maybe even less. Feeling the ache of old memories, I trace the engraved metal plate on the bracelet.

"You from around here?" Mark asks, following the flopping blanket in the washing machine with his eyes. I glance at him, shaking my head.

"Ireland," I say, pushing myself onto the wooden counter. Small talk was better than awkward silence, I decide. "You from Korea?" I ask with a small smirk on my lips. Mark rolls his eyes before meeting my gaze, his chocolate brown eyes captivating my attention.

"I can't shake the feeling we've met before." Even though he was a few feet away from me, I could feel the ghost of his touch on my arms. I search his features, flicking from his left eyes to his right one, focusing on the yellow flecks around his pupils.

A small smile balances on my lips. "What other green-haired Irishmen do you know?" His eyes shine with curiosity as he inches forward, making the gap between us smaller. The golden specks become more noticeable as his eyes grow closer to mine.

He chuckles, squeezing his eyes closed for a millisecond. "This your first time in America?" A slight frown makes its way to my mouth as I turn my head to stare at the dryer.

"No," I say, cutting him off on whatever he was about to say. A slight sigh left my lips. "Last time I was here, I was with my fiancé. We were happy, you know," Tears begin to well in my eyes. I tilt my head up, shifting my eyes around the bland walls before landing on Mark, who was looking back at me. "Me and him."

Mark's eyes soften as he shakes his head slowly. "You don't have t-"

I cut him off with a bitter sigh. "And then I moved back to Ireland and was accused of cheating." Letting my shoulder sag, I interlock my fingers. "Fucking hell, I didn't mean to let that off on you." I hang my head in embarrassment, not wanting him to see how broken I truly was.

"Something similar happened to me," he says, walking towards me. He slides onto the washing machine beside the dryer I was currently sitting on top of. "Really similar, actually. My fiancé left me to take care of his dad... and we kind of had a misunderstanding... I thought he was seeing someone behind my back."

"Wow, I'm so sorry..." I never really stopped to think about how he was handling the miscommunication. Mark glances at me with a few tears in his eyes. "I'm going to sound like a pansy, but... do you need a hug?" He looks at me suspiciously and I open my arms. Hesitantly, he scoots closer and allows me to pull him into a hug.

"I just miss him a lot," Mark mumbles as he clings to my waist, his tears wetting my shirt. I rest my arms on his back. He half-heartedly laughs, sending small vibrations through my chest. "Now who's the 'pansy'?"

I shake my head, chinning his shoulder. "Don't worry about it," I say as he digs his face into the crook of my neck. We sit there, enjoying each other's company, silently praying no one walks in and ruins the feeling of being completely safe in someone's arms.

He pulls away, the warmth radiating from his torso following after him. His arm brushes against mine and I can't help but smile, leaning into his cloud of body heat. "It's weird, you're the first person that doesn't want to get into my pants." I can't suppress the smirk that curls my lips upward.

"Who says I don't?" I tease, nudging his arm with my elbow.

He chuckles. "Have you ever done anything sexual? You look like a virgin to me." He sends me a wink and my face flushes as the memories of Mark and I resurface. I try to choke it down and keep it from playing in my mind, but nothing seems to work.

**_\--_ **

"Do you ever do anything productive?" I ask, my voice cutting through the thin air in our bedroom.

"I do you, does that count?" My cheeks flare and I try to hide them from Mark's sleepy eyes but he sends me a lopsided smirk with a lazy wink.

I climb into bed with him pulling him closer to where his naked torso is touching mine. "If you do me right now, yes."

He leans closer, kissing my neck, sending flutters of sensation through my body.

"Mark," I let out in a small moan, digging my head into the white pillow below me. He moves his head deeper into my skin, sucking on my shoulder, causing a sharp intake of breath to pass through my parted shaking lips.

"Seán," he mocks. My hands drift to the back of his, my fingers tangling in his dark brown hair. His fingertips lightly graze over my skin, sending goose bumps to cover my arms. "You're so beautiful," he says, resurfacing for air.

"Shut up," I say, pressing my lips to his in a brief peck.

 

**Mark**  

The door swings open as a laughing Ken walks in followed by Felix, letting out an annoyed sigh as Felix makes eye contact with Jack. Blushing, the Irish boy adverts his attention to the flopping dark green blanket. Ken leans over to whisper something incoherent into Felix's ear. His face taints pink as he shakes his head.

Jack's eyes dance around the dryer as the noises of the washer subside. With a small sigh, I slide off of the dryer, my arm brushing against Jack's. I push past Ken and open the washer door to pull out my sopping wet blanket. Opening the dryer door, I push my bedding into the machine and press start, too lazy to change the settings. Letting out an agitated huff, I lift myself back on top of the –now shaking– dryer

A small laugh from my left causes me to look over at Jack's beaming face. There was something oddly attractive about him. "You do realize your blanket's still going to be wet, right?" He asks, as a small blush coats my cheeks.

"There's no point in completely drying it, if it's just going to get wet again," I say, winking at him. His eyes twinkle with amusement as a small smirk finds its way to his pink lips.

"You piss the bed?" Jack asks, astonished.

An abrupt roar of laughter comes from the other end of the laundry room as Felix and Ken cover their mouths to try and muffle the noises. I can't believe I had sex with that Swedish douche. "Oh my fucking god," Ken says as Felix tries to stop the tears from streaming down his face. "Are you okay?"

I turn my attention back to Jack. "No, I do not wet the bed, you twat... I guess virgins just don't understand," I say with a smug smile as Felix's laugh is cut short, his eyes widening.

Jack scrunches his face in confusion. "I'm not a virgin," he defends, tightly pressing his lips together. I roll my eyes at his reaction "You have sex with your girlfriend a lot, I assume," he mocks, closely resembling a pouting child.

"I fuck my boyfriends all the time, yes," I say as Jack's eyes drown in even more confusion. Felix clears his throat, narrowing his blue eyes at me.

"Mark is polyamorous, by the way." I glare at the Swedish man at the other side of the room as a bitter laugh softly leaves my mouth, not overlooking how smug Felix was at his comment.

"I'm not, I just have a lot of partners. But you'd know all about that, wouldn't you Felix?" He glares at me indignantly and takes a furious step towards me, his hands balling into fists. Ken jumps in front of him and places a hand on his shoulder to stop him from taking things further.

"I think that's enough," Ken says, shooting a knowing look in my direction. Jack notices the tension between us as his eyebrows scrunch up. I turn my head to break eye contact with Felix before too many memories surface again.

An awkward silence settles amongst us as my mind races with scenarios of the Irish man and I in bed as a way to get to Fe– "Mark?" Jack asks, causing me to snap out of my daze as piercing blue eyes peer into mine. I move my head up and reply in a hum to let him know I was listening. "How many boyfriends have you had?"

Amusement danced upon my face as a smirk slowly spreads. "You jealous, Jackaboy?" He fumbles over his words, trying to mutter a string of words that made a decent amount of sense. "I don't really think I would consider them 'boyfriends' more like... 'bottoms', because there was never a relationship, nor feelings to begin with."

Jack listens as I spit falsehoods. The door to the laundromat shut with force causing the washer under me to shake. "So," Jack says as I snap my attention from the door to his eyes. He shyly looks away.

"So." A small twitch draws my eyes to his mouth as he wets his lips with his tongue before sinking one of his teeth into his bottom lip. My hands instinctively reach for his face to turn his head towards mine and crash our lips together, but him turning his head towards me made my hands recoil in my lap.

His mouth forms into an 'o' shape as he tries to form a sentence. "What, um... what happened between you and Fe? If it's okay to ask, I mean," he says, causing a warm wave of comfort to wash over me.

I let out a small laugh, the noise echoing through the dorm's laundry room. " _Fe_? What're you like boyfriends now?" I ask, nudging his arm with mine. His face turns a slight red as he tries to maintain eye contact. "You got a little crush on  _Swedeheart_?" I ask, teasingly poking his arm.

The Irish man crosses his arms. "Crush? What are you, every American fourth grader ever?" He gives me a raised eyebrow, causing my face to heat up with how long I've been staring. "And Swede... heart?"

**_\--_ **

Felix smiles as I lace our fingers together. I begin to pull him to the photo booth that sat at the front of the amusement park. The line was surprisingly short and all of the couple waiting to take their photos seemed to be either so in love with each other, or the complete opposite.

I look down slightly to where my boyfriend's eyes were. "I kind of love you, ya know," I say. He cocks his head to the side a bit. "It seems random, but... I just feel like–" I cut myself off as the line, along with Felix, moves forward. My gaze drifts from the Swedish lad in front of me. "-my 'reputation' as a  _fuckboy_  kind of makes you feel like I'm just using you for sex."

I pause to reconnect our eyes. He opens his mouth but closes it quickly, raising himself a few centimeters to gently place his lips on mine. I respond bluntly, considering the fact that the last soft kiss I've had was from Seán.

I pull away first. "Sex is a big plus, but so are the dates, the cuddling, kisses, hugs, and 'I love you's. Because, I love you, Swedeheart." I flick my eyes between his as he cracks a small smile at the nickname I affectionately called him. I drop my gaze, insecurity clouding my thoughts. I didn't want to, but somehow I've grown feelings for this Swedish "meatball".

Felix drops my hand, before taking my chin and gently forces me to look at him. "I love you too, Mark." He plants another kiss on my lips, this one full of passion and love. He cups my cheek and I wrap my arms around his waist.

An abrupt cough from behind us, causes us to disconnect ourselves. The line has already moved and it is our turn to step into the booth. I sit in the middle of the bench as Felix pulls the purple curtain close. He turns to look at me, cocking his eyebrow.

I pat my thighs. "Really?" I hum a reply and he slides onto my lap, straddling me. I press the button, the chime for each second going off. I take my left hand and cup his cheek as the flash for the camera illuminates the otherwise dark booth.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of you or anything like that." His smile radiates off of his face and we sit there, his cheek pressed against my palm, smiling like two idiots in love.

"You know, I'm kinda in love with you, right?" My happy expression turns into a look of shock as a slight blush appears on my face. He laughs as I roll down my sleeves to my sweatshirt, covering my face with the fabric.

"Kiss me, you idiot." I pull his face closer to mine, crashing my lips onto his. He somehow manages to grow closer to me as his chest presses against mine. The flash goes off again, though we pay no mind to it. He places his hand on my hip, squeezing lightly, causing a sudden moan to escape me and a knowing smile to cross his mouth.

"God, you sound so lovely," he says, disconnecting from my lips, only to almost immediately attach his lips to my neck, trailing small love bites down to my collarbone. My hands find their way onto Felix's back, pressing him closer to me so that he is flush against my chest. Rolling my hips, I grind into him with the bulge in my jeans. The flash illuminates the dimly lit room.

"How many pi-ictures does this thing take?" I gasp, my voice hitching at the sudden contact.

"I don't know, but moaning like that is just going to make us stay longer," He replies, his voice almost turning into a low growl. A slight chill travels up my spine as he traces my jaw with his thumb. "But, let's save that for the bedroom tonight," I suggest, watching as he gives me a lopsided smirk, his eyes twinkling.

He looks so beautiful.

**_\--_ **

"Yeah..." I start, quick to defend myself, turning my head to avoid his gaze. "Y-you know... like a nickname," I stutter, tripping over my words. As he moves his hand to grasp my shoulder, I jerk away before he can, covering it up by dropping to the tiled floor. Jittery from the sudden onslaught of what  _was_  happy memories, I conceal it as the room suddenly getting colder. "Is it cold in here? It's a little cold in here." His eyes wander my own in utter confusion as I try to cover my body with my arms, backing away from him.

Bolting out the door, I leave the dumbfounded Irish man alone with more questions than answers.


	4. Smug Asshole

❝ ** _Baaabe, pay attention to me._** ❞

❝ ** _Are you finally admitting we're together?_** ❞

 

**Jack**

A soft sob echoes through the laundry room as tears fall from my cheeks. It's storming. The light in the laundry room flickers, causing my eyes to play tricks on me as I imagine a figure leaning against the opposite wall.

The lights flash again, and it seems as if it has grown closer. Being a believer of the paranormal, I didn't wait around to bolt out of the laundry room and run down the hallway in the direction of my room. Praying that Ken and Felix had gone back to the room, because my key was jammed into Mark's door. I slammed my fists on the door, constantly checking the empty hallway to make sure I wasn't being followed.

It didn't take long for Felix to open the door as I was to the point of almost breaking it down due to fear. "What the fuck are you doi-" I cut him off as I lunge towards him, throwing my arms around his torso. "Ja-Jack?"

"It-it's storming," I say, trying to steady my voice. Felix wraps his arms around me, pulling me through the door. He lays me down on Ken's bed, pulling the covers up to my chest. He moves away from me, but I grab his arm. "I, um..." I break eye contact, before building up some courage to look at him. "I'm scared."

Felix slides into bed with me, slinging an arm over me, while the other was beneath me, carrying my weight. He was staring at me as if trying to find a way to calm me down. He takes his thumb and dries my tears. I stare into his blue eyes as my rapid panting hitches. "Shh, it's okay, baby." Our legs tangle together as the wind outside quickened.

He pulls me closer, and I rest my head deeper into the pillow, our foreheads resting against each other. "Thank you, Fe. You're a great friend."

The sound of his heartbeat seemed to have grown louder over a couple of seconds as the steady pulse puts me to sleep.

**_\--_ **

The pounding of the rain and the whirling of the wind made me quiver in fear as a tree branch hits the window. I jump back, causing Mark to groan. "I-I'm so-orry," I stutter.

Mark sits up, noticing the shakiness in my voice. "Baby, what's wrong?" There was another roll of thunder, and I instinctively jump into Mark's arms. He pulls me into him, peppering soft kisses on my neck and my shoulders, trying to calm me down.

I lean into him, trusting him to keep me safe. He places the blanket around me as I move my body so I was laying on the bed. I turn around so I could look at Mark every time the dim light of lightning would occur. He brushed my grey hair out of my eyes, his other hand wrapped underneath me.

I keep my arms in between our chests, my hands in fists, resting against his torso. He traces my jaw with his thumb, causing my heavy breathing to slow down. There was a crack of lightning and Mark's arm tightens around me; sending a wave of warmth throughout my body.

He's not bothered that I woke him up, he's not bothered by my stupid fear of storms. He wants me to feel safe. "I love you," I spit out, my voice barely quivering.

His thumb stops for a second as the lightning outside gives enough light to show his warm smile. "I love you too," he whispers, his thumb going back to comforting me.

_God, what would I do without you?_

 

**Mark**

I didn't even realize I passed out until the thud of the rain reached my ears. I slowly pull myself out of my half asleep state, pushing off of my bed. I walk over to the door, propping it open with my shoe; because some (cute) dumbass decided to jam his key into my door.

Which reminds me, I need to stop by the dean's office in the morning. I take my phone out of my pant's pocket as it read, '3:56'. I let out a groan and make my way to the laundry room. The rain seemed to be a downfall as if it was just the climax of the storm and now it's ending.

I push the door open as it makes an ominous squeak. The person across the room jumps, staring at the door my hand was pushing close. "Jesus Christ, Mark. You scared the living shit out of me."

I cross my arms, making my muscles bigger. His eyes drift to my biceps. "And who are you?" He blushes a mad shade of red, trying to hide his face behind his shaggy brown hair.

"I-I, um... Ajay; I'm Ajay." I uncross my arms and walk towards him, maintaining eye contact with him. I move my eyes from the man in purple to the drying machines along the wall. I open up the closest one and pull out my blanket. "Is this yours?"

I spin around to see him holding a green blanket and black sheets. "Yeah," I lie, sticking my arm out as he places them in my grasp. "Thanks, Ajay."

He blushes again as I turn around to head back to my room. "Bye, Mark," he sings as I open the door. The blankets were no longer warm and mine was no longer damp.

I open the door with my foot, kicking the maroon shoe wedged between the wall and my dorm door to the side. I place the blankets on the empty spare bed in my room. Strange, I swear I was supposed to get a roommate today. Picking up my blanket, I place it onto my bed, lazily unraveling it onto the corners of my bed, before falling back onto it.

Thunder rolls outside as I close my eyes, letting the sounds soothe me.

**_\--_ **

I take a sip of my warm coffee as the rain splashes onto the window beside me. I let out a content sigh, my legs pressing against the couch I was sprawled out on. My knees locking and unlocking as the steam from the coffee heats my face.

I look away from the window to see Seán stepping down the stairs, talking in a soft voice. I set my coffee onto the table across from the black couch. "Baby?" I call, he snaps his attention to me, as if not expecting anyone to be up.

"I'll have to call you back... I love you, too. Night, Ma." He sets his phone onto the table and sits down next to me. The storm wasn't that bad outside, as it was slowly calming down. "I-I, um... I'm scared of storms."

I pull him closer to me, pressing my lips to his forehead. "It's okay, baby," I say, readjusting so that he was laying on top of me, his arms wrapped around my torso.

"Mmm, I'm finally allowed to be on top again." He gives me a slight smirk and I raise my eyebrows.

"Would you like to be on top more often?" Seán gives me a wink and I lean my head back onto the couch arm. He grinds down, moving his head to reach my neck. I moan at the wetness of his mouth. He sucks on my collarbone as I lightly try to push him off.

"Well, goodnight," Seán says, laying his head back on my chest. I groan at the fact that he was being a tease. "What? Do you have a little problem?" He says, pushing his hips down again as I bite my lip to muffle my sounds. " _Maaark_ ," he sings, reaching his hand down my pants.

"Yes, Se-eán?" He slowly begins to tug on my member as I let out a throaty groan.

Seán lets out a slight moan. "Dammit, now I'm turned on." He stands up and takes off my pants. I move my hand to stop him.

"Woah, Seán." He gives me a strange look. "Little impatient, are we?" He lightly slaps my chest, taking off his shirt as I take off mine. He removes my briefs, tossing them somewhere behind him. "Do you want to be on top?"

"Do you want me to?" He asks. I nod, giving him my consent. He takes off his pants, along with mine, before climbing on top of me. I grab his arm to steady him. "I love you, Mark Fischbach," he says, affection evident in his eyes.

His lips curve into a half-smirk.

"I think you're the first boyfriend I've had that would have sex with me because I was scared of storms." I let out a brief laugh.

"I-I love you, too, Seán McLoughlin."

**_\--_ **

Am I seriously crying again? Get over Seán, you thunderfuck.

There was a knock on my door and I looked at my clock to see that it was almost nine. I get up and reach into my dresser. I open the door, pulling on the bottom of my shirt. "Morning," I say to the woman in front of me.

"Hi, I got a message from a Felix I-can't-pronounce-his-last-name from across the hall about a 'key incident'?" The door in front of me opened and Felix pokes his head out, blushing a bit.

"It's Kjellberg," he says, sheepishly. Dean Munch flushes, apologizing to him as he steps back into his room.

"Mr. Fischbach, we're going to need you to leave your room so we can fix your door." I nod, looking back into my room.

"Can I get changed before you start?" I ask. She hesitantly looks at my pajama pants and black shirt, before nodding.

I close the door, before turning around and crossing to the other side of my room. I pick up my black ripped jeans from the basket of clean clothes I haven't gotten around to putting in my dresser.

I throw on my black and white flannel, instead of my regular red one. I toss my blue hair to the side and practically douse myself in cologne.

I walk to the other side of the room to put on my black high tops. Grabbing my phone, I take a quick look over before opening the door and walking past the dean with a slight smirk on my face.

_Daddy's gonna get laid tonight._

 

**Jack**

"Morning," the guy from across the hall says. The silkiness of his deep voice seemed too familiar to put my finger on. I let out a groan as I peel my eyes open to see blue ones already looking at me.

"You're cute when you're asleep," Felix says, blushing.

"Talk about deja vu," I say, yawning. His eyes trail away from mine. "Baaabe, pay attention to me," I say, smiling at my 'boyfriend'.

"Are you finally admitting we're together?" My eyes squint as I let out a genuine laugh. "And you're cute when you're awake, fuck," he whispers. I try to hide my face, resulting in me pressing against Felix more.

Ken groans, rolling over in his bed. "Morning, love birds." Felix untangles himself from me before standing up, still fully dressed. "Oh, so you guys didn't fuck."

Felix laughs. "Gotta have that consent first." He corses over to open the door and peaks out. "Kjellberg," he says, shyly, before closing the door. I sit up, my head being held up by my elbow. I give him an inquiring look. "Shh," he says as his face flushes a deep red, before crawling back into bed with me.

"Well, if you guys are just going to cuddle, then I'm going to go get some breakfast," Ken says, noticeably awkward. He pulls on a tight, black shirt and faded, blue jeans before leaving with his keys and shoes in hand.

"We drove him away," Felix says, staring at me for a second. I hum in response and let my head fall onto the inside of my arm.

"Good, I'm tired," I say, moving my free arm to cover my yawn. "But, cuddling does sound nice." I give him a sleepy wink. Felix moves an inch closer and cautiously wraps his arms around me. "Okay... we were just cuddling last night, why the change in mood?"

Felix eyes widen for a sec in a panicking haze. "I-I, um... you see... last night, you were scared and I was comforting you... now you're not and it's just... different?" I pull him closer to the point of our noses barely grazing each other.

"Different how," I whisper, "because you've realized that I'm a pansy who's scared of storms and needs someone to comfort them?" Felix's eyes soften at my small voice.

"No... different as in.. We've only known each other for a day and yet... I just feel this weird connection between us." I open my mouth to say something sarcastic or cheesy, but suddenly my words get caught in the back of my throat.

His sparkling, blue eyes flicker between my left and right eye. His lashes flutter on the top of this cheek as he blinks, awaiting my response.

I don't give him one. I close my mouth and lean forward. "Is this the part where we kiss, because I'm down if you are," he says with the smallest hint of seriousness laced in between his words. I give him a slight smirk and move my head up slightly to kiss his nose. "If you don't date me, I swear to god."

My eyes widen, sarcastically. "Is that really how you're going to ask me?" I jut my lip out in a pout, moving to turn around. Felix grabs the side of my face closest to his.

I turn to look at him before resting on his hand. "Jack McLoughlin, will you do me the honour of being my boyfriend?" His voice was soft and silky, with a gentle hue. I open my mouth to say 'yes', but nothing comes out. The last person who touched me this delicately was Mark.

_NO_! Stop thinking about Mark... he's over you, get over him.

I flick my eyes between his, noticing just how sharp the colour is. My attention is soon directed to his lips, leaning forward slightly. Before I feel his hand drag me closer to him and our lips meet.

A hunger seems to ignite in me as I push my lips on his a little harder. I swipe my tongue across his bottom lip. Felix smirks, lightly shaking his head. I pull away. "Oh?" I unwrap his arms from around me and climb on top of him, my knees resting on the outside of his legs.

"This is new," he says, resting his hands on my hips. I rest my hands on his chest as I lean forward slightly, bringing myself closer to his lips. "You never answered my question." I let out a laugh as Felix's mouth twitches into a smile.

"Felix  _Kjellberg_ ," I say, emphasizing on his last name, "despite only knowing each other for like one day, I would absolutely love to be your boyfriend." A genuine smile is soon placed on his face. I lean down to peck his lips and he moves his hand to hold the other side of my face, deepening the kiss.

And to think... we met yesterday.

The door bursts open without any warning. Ken looks over at us. "Really... already?"


	5. Knock Knock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex is consensual. 'Nonconsensual Sex' does not exist, because 'Nonconsensual Sex' is not sex. It's rape.

❝ ** _It's okay to say no._** ❞

❝ ** _Aren't you some sort of 'fuckboy'?_** ❞

 

**Mark**

"Marrrk," Ajay moans as I suck harshly against his neck, wasting no time to pull off his clothes. "You don't know how long I-I've wanted to do this." My face is currently obscured from his view, so he, thankfully, can't see me roll my eyes.

Not to suck my own ass or anything, but does he think he's the  _first_  and  _only_  one who's said that? "Baby, I know," I say, mumbling against his warm skin. He lets out a throaty groan as my hand skims over his already bare chest down to his crotch.

"Do you-" he starts, cutting himself off with another moan, "h-have a condom?"  _Are you stupid?_ There's no way I'm putting my dingly dangly ding dang dong up someone's bum to come out with an STD or an STI. I like sex, and I am  _not_  gonna chance that.

I pull away from him, leaning back to grab the condom I layed on his nightstand when we arrived. As I'm trying to open the plastic wrapping, Ajay latches himself to my neck.

_Ah, yes; get your saliva all over me._

I grab onto the waistband of his jeans, kissing him so that he's pressed against the wall.

**_\--_ **

Seán slams me against our bedroom wall. Rough sex has become a new kink for him. "Yo-you're usually not this rough, baby." He sucks on my neck, causing my breathing to hitch at the pleasure. That's definitely a love bite.

"That's 'daddy' to you." Oh, and then there's the  _father kink_. Which I'm fine with, as long as he's enjoying it, that's all I care about.

He digs his fingernails into my side and I let out an unintentional yelp.

His eyes soften as worry and concern swarm around his pupils. "Shit, babe, I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you okay?" His grasp loosens, yet holds me closely. I flick my eyes between his before leaning towards him, softly kissing his lips.

"It's okay," I say, pulling away. Before he can ask me if I'm sure, I grab his face and connect our lips again.  _Yes, Seán, I'm sure I love the way you hurt me._

He pulls me away from the wall and gently places me on the bed, not leaving my mouth during the process. I grab onto his shirt, feeling self-conscious that I was showing more skin than him considering my shirt was discarded by Seán literally ripping it off of my body.

"Is it okay? Do you want this?" His eyes still contain the love from before but with more lust.

"Yes, Seán. I want to do this with you," I say, placing my fingers in his hair.

"Good, because I want to fuck you," he says, taking no time to pull off his shirt, revealing his beautiful, pale skin.

"I prefer 'make love', but yes, please do that." I move my hand to draw random shapes into his chest.

"Well yeah, because I love you." I smile at his words.

"I love you, too." He lets out a small breath along with a slight smirk.

"You better."

**_\--_ **

"Wait, wait, wait," Ajay says, I immediately step back and remove my hands, ya know, because  _consent_  is a thing. "I-I've never... um." I stare into his light blue eyes. He dodges my gaze, a small blush creeping up on his face.

"Never had sex?" Dear lord, please have mercy on my soul. His face grows a stronger shade of red. "That's okay, cupcake."

"So, like. You're going to top, right?" I smirk a bit, nodding. "Okay, good. I have no idea what I'm doing, to be honest."

I bring my mouth up to his ear. "Then let me show you." I draw back and stare at him until he nods his head. "If this is your first time then I want you to consent. Not that if you weren't a virgin you'd automatically consent, it's just the first time is usually when people think they want it solely because someone else wants it and they don't want to disappoint... don't ever feel like you're obligated to have sex with someone if you don't want to. It's okay to say no."

His eyes dazzle as a new founding warmth glazes over them. "Aren't you some sort of 'fuckboy'?" He makes a quoting motion with his fingers. I laugh lightly.

"What, can I not possess some human decency?" I smile, his lips twitching slightly.

"Mark Fischbach, I consent to having sex with you." I chuckle a bit, pulling him closer to place my lips delicately on his. I don't normally give softer kisses, but I felt that his first time should be better than just a quick hookup with a fuckboy.

"You don't have to be so formal about it, but yes; like that." I pick him up and he wraps his legs around me, causing me to smile a little bit. I place him gently on the bed. "Tell me if you want to stop... it's okay t-"

"To say no, Mark I get it. Can we please just.. do this?" He sticks out his bottom lip as I playfully roll my eyes. "I understand, I trust you," he says, placing a hand lightly on my arm.

I almost shudder at the delicate touch. I don't know much, but I can say without a doubt in my being, that I do not deserve his innocence. I can also confirm that I'm a disgusting excuse of a human and that I don't listen to my conscience. I connect our lips harshly.

_I trust you._

Do you trust me enough to destroy you? I tear off his clothes. Do you trust me enough to fuck you and never have your face nor your name cross my mind? He gently takes off mine. You can't trust me, you don't even know the sick, demented person that I am. Rolling the condom onto my length, I give him one last look for assurance before thrusting into him.

You know my face, my name, my reputation. You don't know me. No one knows me.

Not even Seán.

 

**Jack**

Felix has his arms around my waist, laying under the sheets, instead of sitting on them–like me. I exhale through my nose, scrolling through my Instagram feed.

The arms around me tighten as Felix lets out a small noise. My eyes quickly drift from my phone to my boyfriend, who was fast asleep.

A small smile finds its way to the corners of my mouth as I remove my right arm to play with his hair.

It boggles my mind that we met yesterday.

He looks so peaceful asleep. No furrowed brows, no lopsided smirk. His face was almost emotionless, besides the slight smile twitching on his lips.

I wonder what he's dreaming about.

Ken clicks off his phone, before letting his hands fall to his chest. He rolls his head to the side, looking in my direction.

"You okay over there, buddy?" I ask, my voice hushed so I wouldn't wake Felix.

He lets out a small laugh. "Bored as hell. Whatcha doin'?" I shrug.

"Checking my social media," I say. "Hey.. when does school start?"

Ken scratches his semi-long beard. "We just went on winter break. Let's see there's Christmas, New Years... so, I think the twelfth is when we start going back to lectures."

I let out a small hum of content. I never saw myself going to college before I met Mark. Why waste four more years of your life to get a degree you most likely won't even be able to use. "So, uh... what about these college parties I keep hearing about?"

"Aw, man. College parties are the best. So much better than High school parties... mainly because I get invited to college parties, but they're always lit fam." I couldn't help but laugh at his terminology.  _Ah, silly Americans._ "Hey, now that you mention it, I think I remember Wiishu talking about throwing one tonight, you wanna come?"

"Hell yeah, I wanna come. First college party with my new friend, new boyfriend." I look down at Felix to see he's still snoring, cuddling into me further. I move a strand of his hair from his face. Such a beautiful sight.

**_\--_ **

"Babe," I call, throwing my car keys on the counter, before slipping off my shoes. "I'm home."

The house was silent.  _Maybe he's sleeping._ I make my way upstairs, pulling off my t-shirt and unbuckling my belt.

I open the bedroom door, nothing. No sign of life, except the plant my mum gave me from Ireland. I walk into our bathroom. Empty.

I pull out my phone.

**Jack:**

**Where are you?**

The message shows "Delivered" underneath it. I wait a few minutes to see if he'd reply. Nothing.

I'm tired, I'll just sleep until he gets here. He's probably with his friends, watching a movie or something.

I feel myself drifting off to sleep.

_"Do you Seán McLoughlin take Mark Fischbach to be your lawfully wedded husband?"_

_"I do."_

_"And do you, Mark Fischbach, take Seán McLoughlin to be your lawfully wedded husband?"_

_"I... don't." He drops my hands. "Being gay is a sin and I'd never be a homosexual. You thinking I'm in love with you is fucking hilarious. No one cares about you. Your family didn't even show up for your wedding."_

_I look into the rows of seats, not recognizing a single one of the people sitting in them. "Ma-ark, I thought... I thought you wanted this."_

_"'I thought you wanted this' grow up, look at you, you're a mess, no one wants to marry you." I can't feel myself crying, but I can feel the migraine that comes with it._

_Mark doesn't.. love me?_

_He pulls up a girl with blonde hair wearing a wedding dress. He kisses her, putting on the ring that was once meant for me._

I wake with a start.

"Baby?" Arms snake around my waist as Mark pulls me into him.

"It was just a bad dream, don't worry about it." I rub at my eyes, wiping away the wetness.

"What was it about?" He cups my cheek, rubbing the pads of his thumb against my skin, calming me down.

"I don't want to lose you, ever. I love you so much, Mark. So much that..." Tears start to well up in my eyes again. I bite my lip. "That thinking about it, us not being together, it just... it hurts. So much."

"Seán... baby, it's okay. No matter what happens, I love you and you love me. And when the time is right we are going to say our vows and grow old together." He cups my other cheek. "That's the end of our story. Happy."

He presses a kiss to my forehead, sweeter and more passionate than if he did it to my lips. Mark always knows how to help. How to heal.

"Come on, let's go back to bed, princess." I smile at the nickname. I nod my head, placing my hand on his waist, pulling him closer to me.

"I love you, cupcake," I say quietly, my hushed voice barely piercing the silent atmosphere.

"I love you, too." He closes his eyes, a slight smile tugging at his lips. Soon enough the room is filled with Mark's soft snores.

I want to wake up and fall asleep to this. It's such a beautiful sight.

**_\--_ **

The knock at the door pulls our attention from each other. "Are you expecting visitors?" I ask, my voice low. I'm closer to the door, but I don't know who's out there and what their intentions are.

He gives me a questionable look, as to ask why I was whispering. What, there's a lot of crime in the states. All the news talks about is school shootings and police brutality.

Ireland was so much simpler; the guards minded their business, unless you committed a felony, of course.

"Maybe they have the wrong room?" I nod, that's probably it. I move Felix's arms gently, so he won't wake up. I slowly walk over to the door.

I unlock the door, pulling it open. "Hi?" The boy in front of me gives off a small smile, a suitcase in hand and a backpack on one shoulder. "Uh... can I help you?" I ask, awkwardly.

"No, just came to drop my stuff off and hit the library." He sticks out his hand and I cautiously shake it. "I'm your new roomie."

He swiftly pushes past me, seemingly unfazed by the two made beds as he plops his stuff in the corner of the dorm. He gives Ken a small wave, before turning around to–assumingely–go to the library.

The door shut and I was left with Ken, confused on what just happened. "I thought... he has to have the wrong room, right?"

"I don't know, I was supposed to get a roommate today, not yesterday." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Do you want to go talk to the dean?"

I nod my head. "If Fe wakes up, just tell him I went to go get food or something." Ken nods, glancing over at the Swedish boy sleeping.

The door closes behind me and I find my way back in the stairwell.  _Don't fall for him._ Oh, please. You don't have to worry about that, Felix.

It looks like I'm falling for someone else.

My legs seem to have a mind of their own, as I was trapped in my thoughts of how one day could change so much. The cold air nips at my nose and I mentally slap myself for not grabbing my jacket. I cross the campus, making a beeline from the Male's Dorms to the Main Building.

I knock on the dean's office door. "Come in." I push open the door, slowly walking into the room. "Hmm, what brings you here... Seán, is it?"

"I prefer Jack, but yes." She motions for me to sit in the chair in front of her desk. "I'm here in concern of my room."

"Ah, we just fixed the doorknob, it should be working now. Funny, it's been broken for a while, wonder why it took so long until it got fixed." She taps her chin with her long painted nails.

"I'm sorry, what?" I shake my head. "No, no. That's Mark's room. I'm Ken's roommate. Ken Morrison." She pushes her lips into a straight line, before turning to type on her keyboard.

"No," she drags out. "Kenneth Morrison's roommate is Dan Howell, who just got here today. You're rooming with Mark Fisc-"

"Mark? You mean Mark from across the hall? The legitimate fuckboy?" Her eyes glaze over with something I couldn't decipher. As soon as the glossiness was there it was gone. "I'm sorry, ma'am, excuse my French."

"You can request a room change, but I can assure you it'll be several months, so just learn to deal with this 'fuckboy', hell maybe even have sex with him, he's your problem now, you're going to have to deal with it." Dumbfounded would be the word to describe my emotion in this moment. "Sorry, excuse my bluntness."

"Fair enough." I stand, going to open the door. "Sorry for bothering you." I quickly left the Main Building.

Now to go move into my  _actual_ room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex is consensual. 'Nonconsensual Sex' does not exist, because 'Nonconsensual Sex' is not sex. It's rape.


	6. Mario Kart

_**❝** _ **_Dan is your roommate..._ **

**_and Mark is mine.❞_ **

 

**Mark**

A soft breeze blows against my skin as Felix and I walk through the park hand in hand. He stops, a soft jerk on my arm following after. I turn around to face my boyfriend as he drops my hand, causing it to fall beside my hip.

"It's like you don't even care anymore. You just see me as some boy toy. Like I just mean nothing to you. What changed, Mark... what did I do?" Felix asks, his voice low and insecure. His sky blue eyes avoiding my gaze, filling with tears. "The one time I thought I was good enough."

A quiet gasp escapes my lips.

 _I_  did this.

I took this boy. This great, loving, innocent boy... I took him, and I destroyed him.

_"Fe... I love you, I truly, truly do. I love the time we spend together. When I fall asleep, you're the only reason I wake up. I just want to see you all the time. I just want to be with you. I want you to be mine. I'm not good with my feelings or finding the words or actions to prove them to you. I want to tell you just how incredible you are, but the only things that come out are words like hot and sexy, because every time I try to call you beautiful or cute or adorable, my throat seems to close up and not allow me to say those things to you. I'm sorry that I've made it seem like I don't want this, you, anymore. I do, I really do. I'm in love with you, Felix."_

**If only I had said that out loud.**

His face drops at my silence. "That's what I thought," he says, giving a small sarcastic laugh. He pushes past me, walking towards the college campus.

My legs can't move. It was like I was stuck in one spot, not able to move; not able to run after my boyfriend and show him how amazing he is. I can't, I want to, but I can't.

He's too far gone.

**_\--_ **

My eyes peel open as a boy with messy brown hair snores quietly beside me. I cautiously pull the covers off of me and slide off the bed, trying not to disturb the small man's slumber.

Successfully removing myself from his warm bed, I shove my legs into my pants, basically jumping to pull them up all the way. I tiptoe over to where my shirt and shoes are, before finally finding all of my belongings.

I quietly open the door, stopping it abruptly when a loud squeak fills the air. I wince, looking behind me to make sure he was still unconscious. Giving a small breath of relief, I exit the room, leaving to go back to my dorm.

For the first time in a  _long_ time, I hated that I used someone for a one night stand.

I hated that I took his virginity. He could've given it to someone so much better than me. I hated that I know I won't even remember his name by the time I get back to my dorm. I hated that I wasn't in a loving relationship with someone to wake up to in the morning and not having to quietly sneak away. I hate not having anyone to wrap my arms around and hold them tight because I know they're mine. I hate missing Seán.

But, that's just what a fuckboy does, use people, do whatever they need to to get into some unlucky person's pants. I hate being a fuckboy... but who could love someone as damaged as me.

Not Seán, that's for sure.

~~**(I'm getting real tired of your shit, Mark)** ~~

**_\--_ **

"Mark?" I hear my boyfriend call, worry laced in between his words. I turn to look at him, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes and down my red cheeks. His face twists with concern and love. Only a few weeks together and I already feel so  _safe_  with him.

I try to come up with the words to say, but nothing comes out. He pulls my arms from my side, rubbing the deep scars gently with his thumb. "I just... I want to know why."

I close my eyes, not wanting to see his hurt expression anymore. It's bad enough I'm hurting myself, I can't hurt him too.

"Mar-"

"Because I'm fucking worthless! Because I'm a waste of space, a waste of time! Because I know I fuck everything up! Because I know that you can do better," my voice fades out. "And so do you." He grabs my face, forcing me to look at him.

"I love you..." His eyes flicker between both of mine. "I love you so damn much, Mark. You mean everything to me. You mean all of my time, all of my energy, all of my love. You don't fuck up everything and if you do it can be fixed. And no, Mark, I can not do better because there isn't better. I want you, for you. Not for your looks or your perfection. I want you because you're real and you're real with me and I  _really_  fucking love you."

 _That was the first time you said you loved me_. "Seán... I-"

"Don't say it back because I said it. I only said it because I mean it, not just to make you feel better."

"I love you, too," I say, pressing my lips to his softly, wanting this kiss to be full of love, not lust.

"Please stop doing this to yourself, I don't want someone I care about to be in pain."

 ~~**(Just to clarify** ~~ **I am in the no way, shape, or form** **_romanticizing_ ** **mental illness ,** **if you have or know someone that has tried or are thinking of suicide, please get some help** ~~**.)** ~~

\--

I find myself at the park next to the college campus. I sit down on one of the old swings.

Felix used to love it here. I used to bring him here on our way home from some date we went on. It was like our routine: I pick him up, take him to the fair or dinner--or sometimes both--we have a good time, make-out multiple times, and then come here on our way home.

 _Home_.

Such a strange word. What does home really mean? Four walls with your cookie cutter family residing inside of the structure? Would that mean that I've never had a home?

I've never had a happy family. Mom and dad always fought. Finally, the divorce came and it put a lot of stress on my dad, who kept both children.

Six years later, all the heavy drinking and smoking turned into lung cancer. I was always worried about his 'coping', but I never thought it'd get that serious. He died a few weeks after that, not even a chance to get an organ donor.

Me and Jason, my brother, went to go live with our mom for a while. She was always bringing home random dudes, whom almost always carried cocaine or meth. She was in a dark place and we tried to help her, but nothing seemed to work.

By the time I first met Seán, she was so involved in drugs and money that she basically kicked me out to put my room up for rent to help her pay for the drugs. My brother and I were too young to own a house or anything when that happened. He was older than I by two years and had a couple of friends who owned an apartment together. And that was our 'home' until Seán and I moved in together.

Then my mom died. Overdose on Heroin, the doctors said. But the bruises all over her body begged to differ. I hated her for not being strong enough to get out of the relationships she had. I hated her for letting herself be abused. I hated her for never really being a parent to me and my brother. I hated her for leaving my dad and causing him to basically kill himself. I hated her for being so stupid.

I just really hated her and I never saw her as my mom, I saw her as a fraud, as a druggie, as someone so worthless that you'd be lucky to never cross paths with her.

I hated her for abandoning me when I needed her the most.

My brother and I grew a lot closer and he was the first person I came out to as gay. He was very accepting and comfortable with my sexuality and even stopped being friends with people that had a problem with me liking boys.

\--

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Seán shouts as I drop a banana, causing his car to spin, slowing him down. "That's fucking bullshit." he sulks, dropping the Wii remote; the strap around his wrists causing it not to go far.

I lean over and press a soft kiss on his neck, causing him to turn as red as a firetruck. I peck his cheek. "Chill, babe."

"I fucking hate you," he says, looking away from me. I grab his jaw, forcing him to look at me. I can hear his breathing hitch as my eyes flick to his lips. I slowly lean in as the living room door swings open and my brother walks in, a split second after Seán retracts from me.

"I brought snacks. Chris is picking me up in a few for the movies." I shoot him a glance as he places the chips in between Seán and I. "I'm just letting you know that I'm going to be gone for a while... You're going to be here... alone... by yoursel-"

"Your point?" I ask, impatiently looking over at the cute Irish boy in my living room. A car horn causes Thomas to jump up from his seat. He pulls on his jacket before opening the front door.

"Point is, you can finish whatever you were doing before I interrupted while I'm gone. Condoms are in my drawer, just don't cum on the couch again." Seán's face turns beat red, along with mine as Thomas' laughter fills the apartment. He sends me a knowing wink before slipping out the door.

"Agai-" I cut Seán off, pouncing on top of him, causing his back to hit the carpet as I crash his lips onto mine. I feel him grind on me as he rolls over to where he was on top instead.

"Se-Seán," I say as he swirls his tongue on my neck. He pulls away from my neck and looks into my eyes. "What?"

"You look really hot like that," he says as my brow furrows. He traces my jawline. "A literal moaning mess," he says, breathlessly, connecting our lips as I push him up. "Hmm, baby?"

"W-Will you... like, um... be my boyfriend?" He laughs, causing my anxiety to skyrocket.

"Of course," he says, placing his lips softly onto mine.

\--

I missed Jason. He still lives in Ohio with his old roommates, while I left for California in some desperate hope to find Seán again. I told everyone I came here for college, or parties, or sex.

Hell, I even told myself I was coming here for the 'college experience'.

I really just wished Seán would somehow know that he was meant to find me here. Or something 'hopelessly romantic' like that.

I miss that. I miss coming home to someone every night and not having to kick them out. I miss sweet kisses instead of lustful make outs. I miss having someone to cuddle up to at night or come home to after school and watch a movie together.

I miss going on dates and making a boy happy. I miss getting engaged and meeting Seán's parents. I miss wedding planning and trusting my boyfriend.

I miss not being able to say I'm not in a relationship and having to explain my 'situation' to people. Not that it was any of their business, I just find it easier to say I don't 'do relationships'.

I don't do gentle touches and hand holding. Cuddles or hugs. I just don't do coupley things, because I'm not part of a couple.

I've constructed this reputation, a façade if you will, of me being this huge fuckboy. And I am, no doubt about that. I just sometimes miss being able to call someone mine and having someone to be protective over.

Because who would ever suspect that the campus' biggest fuckboy was a complete softy that liked star gazing, and long drives down quiet roads, and Ferris wheels with someone I love; deep conversations with loving stares.

No one would ever suspect that underneath all of this sin, I was human.

 

**Jack**

I knock on the door across the hall from my dorm, impatiently picking at a loose string on my sleeve as I wait for Ken to open the door. He finally lets me in as I give a slight glance to my sleepy boyfriend.

"Morning, beautiful," I say, his face turning a slight pink. Cutie.

Ken clears his throat. I turn my attention to Ken. "So, what'd the Dean say?"

"Dan is your roommate... and Mark is mine," I say, watching Ken's mouth fall open shortly after. The creaking of the bed draws my attention as Felix was walking over to us.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, the fuckboy? You're roommates with that 'dickbag'?" Felix's shout could be heard from downstairs. A small pang of hurt hits me. Even though he's a fuckboy, I think he has another side deep down, hidden from people who aren't looking for it.

"I already asked and no, I can't switch rooms," I say, faking a sigh. I was sad I couldn't be roommates with Ken and Felix, but also slightly excited to share a room with the infamous fuckboy on floor seven.

"If there's nothing we can do about it, then moping around won't do any good," Ken says being a sensible adult, unlike Felix who was almost pouting like a five-year-old. "Come on let's get you packed."

**_\--_ **

I woke to a throbbing in my left arm. Mark. I lean over and press a delicate kiss on his neck and shoulder, wiggling my arms from underneath him. Careful not to wake him, I slowly tiptoe out of the room.

I sneak downstairs and into the living room where our suitcases sat, one by the other like it should be.

I was going to propose in Ireland, but I knew he'd choose to stay here, his education being very important to him. Instead, I'm taking him to LA, a place he's been dying to go to. I proposed to him in the kitchen, out of the heat of the moment, but it was still a good memory.

I love Mark, I love absolutely everything about him, his smile, his sense of humour, his dic- "Seán? Baby?"

"I'm in here," I yell out. Mark comes down the stairs, walking toward me slowly. "What are you doing?" I shake my head giving him the 'it's nothing' look. "Okay then... want to play Mario Kart?" His face twists into a smirk.

I grin, a playful look crosses his eyes. "Of course, how else will we decide who tops?" I ask, knowing damn well if he wins, he'll ask me to make love to him anyway.

He pulls me by the hand to the large tv, turning on the Wii U. "I wanna play Mario Kart with you, forever."

"Your wish is my command, love."

**_\--_ **

I pick up the small computer bag, suitcase, and book bag like I had when I first moved in. I feel as if I was moving out of my parents' cabin all over again.

I take the room key off of the nightstand by my bed and slip it into my pocket. Opening the door, I check the hall to see if there was anybody in the hallway. I slip over to the door and knock three times, waiting for an answer.

No response.

I take out my key and jam it into my doorknob, feeling grateful that it didn't get stuck like it had before. I push the door open with my hand.

Not a single soul in sight.

I look to the bed that I assume is mine. Wait. Is that my blanket? I grow closer to the bed, what the fuck, it is!

"Guys," I say. They follow in behind me, Ken closing the door, resulting in Felix getting to me first.

"What the hell?" I hear Ken say.

"That night, the storm," Felix says, looking in my direction. "I waited until you fell asleep to go get your bedding, but when I got there it was already gone. I just assumed someone stole it."

"I mean, at least it got to the right room, am I right?" Ken says, trying to lighten the mood, noticing the darkened atmosphere.

I chuckle at his corny joke, setting my stuff on my bed. I take out my laptop from my computer bag and place it on my bed as well, plugging the charger into the outlet that was conveniently placed beside my bed. I then pulled out my Wii U console, gamepad, and two controllers. "Want to play Mario Kart?"

Ken's eyes lit up, but Felix grew uneasy. "What's up, my dude?" Ken asked his friend. "Never played Mario Kart before?" Fe let out a nervous chuckle.

"Oh my God, you've never played Mario Kart before," I say. Felix's face turns to a mad crimson. "Come on, I'll show you." I plug my Wii U into the tv and then into the wall outlet behind it.

I press the power button on my Wii U gamepad and hand the controllers to Felix and Ken.

"It's easy, you hold your controller like this," I say, turning his controller sideways. "Two is to drive, the up arrow throws things forward and the back arrow throws things backwards etcetera. B is to break slash drift and one is to jump. Jumping does nothing. Oh, and I call Shy Guy."

"Is there Yoshi?" I nod to Felix and he smiles. "I call Yoshi then."

"I call whoever the fuck can kick your ass, McLouglin," Ken says, a devilish gleam in his eyes.

"You're fucking on," I say, knowing that I could finally use my five years of experience to smoke his shit.

We start a Grand Prix and Felix lands in ninth place but I don't care because Ken and I are neck and neck. I'll throw a turtle shell and then he'll throw a squid.

Felix eventually left, mumbling along the lines of "third wheeling between my best friend and boyfriend", Ken didn't really seem to care and neither of us heard the door open and slam or Mark jamming his key into our door.

I throw a boomerang at Ken, causing his cart to spin and I zoomed past him, barely coming in first.

"Yes, yes! Eat my shit, Ken," I yell, not noticing the ajar door.

"What the fuck do you two think you're doing?" We both jump out of our skin as Mark's deep voice booms through the room.

Ken was the first to his feet, pushing past Mark and going back to his room. Mark's eyes follow him before connecting with mine, they seem softer than before, like he was scared to be angry towards me.

"How did you get in?" He glances to my bed noticing my stuff.

"With the key, it was jammed because I put it in wrong," I took a deep breath. "But I am your roommate," I say. There was a slight pause. "Wanna play Mario Kart?"

"I fucking love Mario Kart, dude," Mark says, joining me on the couch. "Oh, by the way, I was planning on giving them back to you." I shoot him a confused glance, backing up in the game to get to the character selection. "Your blankets."

"Oh, yeah, I was wondering what the hell they were doing here."

"I only took them because I knew who they belonged to and know how much it sucks to lose your shit." I thought back to the day in the laundry room.

"So... You and Felix, huh?" I ask, he scoffs and rolls his eyes, still picking a character.

His voice drops to a lower octave, almost dark. "So, what about it? We dated, he claimed I treated him like shit, he left. End of story." His jaw clenched. He looks hot angry.

I smirk, smugly. "Did you treat them like shit though?" He glares at me. "You look like the type of guy to ab-" he throws our controllers down, before grabbing my shoulders and pinning me on the couch.

"Don't act like you fucking know me, don't act like you know what the fuck I've been through." My heartbeat speeds up, and for some ungodly reason, I love this side of him. "Just because I'm here, doesn't mean I want to be," he growls.

I push my face closer to his. "I know you better than you think I do."

"Is that so?" His face grows nearer. "Tell me, Jack, since you know me so well, give me one good reason I won't take you to my bed and fuck that pretty little ass of yours." I gasp as he slowly grinds our crotches together, I close my eyes loving the friction. He releases my shoulders and grabs my wrist instead. I can feel my jeans getting tighter.

"Be-ecause, I'm dating Felix," I say, stifling a moan. He presses his lips to my ear.

"Not good enough, baby boy."

I guess we don't need Mario Kart to decide who's topping tonight.


	7. Once A Cheater

**__**❝**_ Contrary to popular belief, I'm not some heartless fuckboy who sleeps with other people's boyfriends. ** _❞_**_ **

 

**Mark**

The boy underneath me moans. "Maark," Jack says, almost whimpering. I look down at him, studying his features. He was really hot, like a 1,000 out of ten kind of hot.

"Yes, baby," I breath out, pressing light kisses over his neck and collarbone. His fingers lightly tug on my hair as I let out an involuntary moan. I move my face from his neck to his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. "What do you need, babe?"

I suck on the skin that connects his neck to his shoulder. "I-I-I," he cuts himself off with another loud moan, "y-you." He presses his head harder into the bed sheets.

I haven't even touched his dick yet.

"Mark," he says, pulling me up by my face to connect our lips. I kiss him back, harshly. Even though the kiss was lustful, there was a subtle hint of... almost love? Like passion. Truth.

Like Seán.

I pull away from him, already missing his contact. "Fuck me, Mark." His high pitched voice reminds me of my one true love, and I almost instantly pull away.

I look at his exposed chest. "No." I remove my hands from his skin. "No, no, no." I climb off of him.

"Wha... what? Did I do something wrong?" I shook my head, picking up his shirt and throwing it at him.

"I can't... I'm sorry." The lustful atmosphere fell almost immediately.

"If you don't want to have sex with me, that's okay. I just... why?"

"You.. you just." I find myself at a lost for words. The boy is my roommate, as in I'll have to face him every day if I plan on coming back to my dorm. "You remind me too much of  _him_ ," I mumble. His face tells me that he didn't hear me.

Jack's eyes didn't sparkle as much as Seán's. His accent was thicker, his hips wider, his lips rougher. Jack's hair was more brown than it was grey, with a loft of green.

"Look Jack, I-"

"I get it, it's fine. I'm just gonna go get some air." And with that, he stands, slips his shirt on and walks out the door.

Gods, what the fuck is up with me this week. Jack prances into my life and suddenly, I'm all soft again.

Feeling terrible, I trudge over to the couch to play some Halo or something. I spot Jack's phone, surprisingly he left it unlocked and lying face up on the couch. I pick it up and send a quick text to myself.

**Jack:**

**I'm really sorry**

The door swings open. "What the fuck are you doing with my phone?" I fumble for words as Jack snatches the phone from my hand and leaves once more.

**_~_ **

"So, how are things with Felix?" Tyler, my best friend since pre-K, asks with a small glint of amusement in his eyes. He picks up another salted fry before pushing it into his mouth.

"Ha ha, very funny Tyler. You know I don't do the whole relationship thing." I look down at my chicken nuggets in front of me. The McDonald's diner was surprisingly empty as it's usually busy being this close to a campus

"Speaking of, why don't you date somebody?" Ethan, Tyler's boyfriend, asks. His hand placed on his cup, straw in between his middle and index finger. "Is it because you want to be seen as this heartless fuckboy who's too cool to give a flying fuck, or is it because you've been hurt before, and you're protecting yourself from that pain again." Ethan's eyes almost narrow on me as I let out a slight chuckle. My phone buzzes on the table and I look down at it's screen.

 **Swedeheart** **:**

**Can we talk?**

"Neither, gotta go," I say, grabbing some of Tyler's fries and shoving my chicken nuggets' box towards him. "Enjoy your daaaate."

**Mark:**

**my place ?**

I push open the door and walk over to the campus, not waiting for Felix to answer.

**Swedeheart:**

**Where's Jack?**

I smirk.  _Oh, Felix._

**Mark:**

**secretive are we ?**

**idk out**

**Swedeheart:**

**Stfu**

**Good**

**What the hell's up with the low caps and *space* ?**

**Mark:**

**bc it fits my aesthetic ?**

I click my phone off, before pushing it into my back pocket. I pull open the door to the dorm building and then head up the stairs to floor seven. Gotta work off McDonald's somehow.

I reach the seventh floor, stopping to catch my breath and hoping that Felix doesn't see me. As much as I hated to admit it... I'd love to date him again, he made me feel loved.

Of course, I'd want him to break things off with Jack, because I don't want my roommate to hate me the rest of the two/three years we have together.

I push open the door to my dorm, letting it close on its own before falling onto my bed in which I had my ex's current boyfriend pinned down on. And now said ex-boyfriend is coming over to have a little  _chat_.

I throw my hands over my eyes,  _how did I end up in this mess?_

I let out a small groan that is muffled by a knuckle racking on my door.

"It's open," I say, but I didn't really need to because Felix was halfway through the doorway when I finish my statement. He turns away from me and closes the door.

"So... Jack's your roommate, I hear." He turns around to face me. I hum in response. "Did you already fuck him?"

"No, we didn't fu-" He laughs, his face turning sour.

"Oh, so what? You just jerked each other off?" He walks closer to my bed.

"No, why are you acting like this? I wasn't going to let him cheat on y-"

"Oh, shut the fuck up, all you care about is your-"

I stand, pissed. My face was only a few inches away from Felix's. "Believe it or not, Felix, I actually give a shit about you. I used to be completely in love with you, how the fuck could I not?"

"Y-You do?"

I stare, shocked at the boy in front of me. "Contrary to popular belief, I'm not some heartless fuckboy who sleeps with other people's boyfriends... and of course I still care about you, Fe."

Something flickers in his eyes. Without a second's notice he slams his mouth onto mine in a harsh kiss. I manage to push his hungry lips away from me.

"Feli-"

He instantly back away from me. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even ask, I should just go."

I grab his arm, twisting him back to me. Cupping his cheek, I bring my lips closer to his, his ragged breath fanning my lips. "Is this what you want?"

I let go of his arm, moving my hand to the other side of his face. He moves forward, connecting our lips in a lustful kiss. I swipe my tongue over his bottom lip as he declines my request. I remove my hand from his left cheek and trail down to his 'v-line', a part that I've learned was really sensitive.

He moans into the kiss and pulls away to take off his shirt and I take this moment to take off mine as well. He kisses me again, before removing the rest of his clothes as I follow suit.

I push him onto the bed. "Before you ask for consent, yes. Mark, yes. Fuck me like you used to." I climb on top of him, attacking his neck with hickeys, because he liked everyone to know he was mine when he was. He moans, clawing at my back as I roll a condom onto my member.

I give him a look as to ask if he was ready and he just nods as I don't hesitate to push myself into my ex-boyfriend's ass.

 

**Jack**

"It's not like I meant to cheat on him, okay, I-I was just caught up in the moment and Mark was there and Felix wasn't," I rant on, stuttering and stumbling over my words as I pace around Ken's room. I place a hand on my forehead. "What do I do now?"

Dan looks up from his sketchbook. "Look, this really isn't my problem, you seem like you have an understanding boyfriend so maybe just communicate through this." He turns his attention back to his hands that were steadily drawing something.

"I just need some advice right now, I'm really sorry that I'm just unloading my problems on you, but Ken's not here and I don't know who else to talk to because I don't really know anyone else." Dan pulls out his cell-phone.

He clicks a few times on the screen in various places before placing the phone to his ear. "He sounds busy," Dan says.

I give him a confused look and he hands me his phone. On the other line was who I assumed was Ken... having sex? "Maaark." I hear him moan, the only problem was that it wasn't Ken, it was  _Felix_.

I quickly hang up. "How did he pick up if he wa-"

"I have some experience in hacking. Quite easy, actually," he says, nonchalantly as I hand him back his phone. He looks up at me as I feel a few tears form. "Oh come on, you guys have been dating for what? A day? Get over it. At least it's happening now and not later on in the relationship."

The door opens as Ken walks inside carrying his dorm's key and a bag of groceries. He looks over at me confused, maintaining eye contact as he bends down slightly to set down the food inside the plastic bag.

"What's all that for?"

"Getting a bit tipsy before the party tonight, the booze there never seems to get me drunk... what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I-um, I kinda, sort of... I don't really know how to sa-"

"He cheated on Felix and now Felix is cheating on him–but in a different kind of way." Dan pushes his sketchbook in a small bag as he stands, heading for the door. "I'll give you guys some privacy," he says, stepping out of the dorm.

"Your roommate's kind of an asshole, you know," I say, still looking at the door, until I turn to see Ken still staring at me.

"You cheated on Felix, and then you run to his best friend for help?" I divert my gaze to the ground, chewing on the inside of my bottom lip.

"You're the only other person I know." He huffs.

"What about, oh, I don't know, Mark, your roommate." His sour tone makes my face turn into a scowl as I look up at him.

"I would, but he's with Felix right now." Ken rolls his eyes at me. Dick.

"Or he's the one you cheated on Felix with." I stomp over to Ken, grab him by the collar and drag him with me as I step out the still-ajar door and fish my key out of my pocket, jamming it into the lock to my dorm room.

I swing open the door and push Ken in. I swing my hand to Felix and Mark on the bed, trying to cover up with the blanket. "Or, he's a little busy fucking my boyfriend." Ken looks at me gobsmacked. "Now, if you don't mind, I would like my ex-boyfriend to get off of my current boyfriend, thanks," I say as Felix climbs off of Mark.

"Ex?" His tone was questionable and almost sad.

"Uh, yeah. You don't get to cheat on me and still get to be my boyfriend."

"Might I remind you, that you also cheated on him," Ken says, defending his friend.

"Oh shut it, Ken, I kissed Mark, he had sex with him. If you wouldn't mind, could you two get the fuck out of our dorm?" Felix pulls his pants on, not worrying about his shirt.

"You know this wouldn't have happened if you would've just had sex with me." Felix grabs Ken by the hand and pull him out of the dorm.

"I'm sorry I'm not some easy slut, have fun with your boy-toy, Ken." I slam the door in their faces.

"Damn, green bean," Mark says, as he had managed to put his boxers on without us noticing.

"Shut the fuck up, you prick." My throats burns as if I had just downed six shots and I clench my knuckles, preparing to punch that smug look off of his face. He stands from his bed and crosses the floor towards me.

"C'mon, baby boy, don't talk to your boyfriend like that." He presses his lips to my neck, somehow already knowing where my 'sweet spot' was.

"One, you're not my fucking boyfriend. I said that to make him jealous, which worked so greatly. Two, I'm honestly not in the mood after seeing my roommate fuck my boyfriend." He retracts from my skin.

"I'm sorry."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever, it doesn't really matter anyway. You want to come to a party with me?" He looks at me sort of baffled. "Party with me? I want some eye candy on my lap."

He grabs my hips a small smirk on his face. "First of all, daddy always tops. Second, why would I go with you if I'm not your boyfriend?"

"First of all, I still want you to shut the fuck up," I respond, irritated, but slightly calmer then before. "And second, you're still not my boyfriend. The only reason I want you to come is because if Felix shows up, like he was planning to, he'll see I'm not some fucking idiot who cries over their boyfriend-for-one-day."

"Hmm... how about fuck buddies?" I roll my eyes once more.

"Oh please, you have Felix for that," I grumble, pulling away from him. He pulls me back to him, connecting our lips in an almost gentle kiss. Almost as if he pressed any harder he'd break me. I give a half-hearted shove to his chest, not wanting to kiss him, but also not wanting to not kiss him.

He pulls back, biting my lip in the process, which he couldn't know that that drives me fucking crazy. "I don't want Felix," he says breathlessly.

You wouldn't want me, either.

I break away from him again, he tries to pull me back in once more. "Jack..."

"I'm going to the party, you coming or not?"


	8. Our Destiny

❝ ** _It's kind of funny that fate put us through the same thing and then we meet later on in life._** ❞

❝ ** _You believe this was fate, Mark?_** ❞

 

**Mark**

The sorority house was rattling with how loud the music is, with the scent of cheap booze assaulting my nose. "I  _already_  have a headache," Jack groans, running a hand through his green hair while biting his bottom lip. His eyes remain on the house that's cluttered with tens of people. I walk closer to him, reaching my hands out to touch his left hip.

"We could always go back home and have our own fun," I say, wrapping my fingers around the soft fabric of his sweatshirt. He rolls his eyes, pushing me back slightly, a hint of a smile on his lips. I remove my hands from his body, scared to make him think I want anything more than his comfortable presence right now.

"Fuck you," he says, laughing in a way that almost resembles a giggle. His cheeks become slightly pinker as he turns towards the building slightly, still leaving me with a side of his face to admire.

_I mean you could if you'd like._

"Come on, I can smell the weed from here," he says, grabbing my hand with his smaller one.

"Ah, the devil's lettuce, that's your poison?" I wiggle my eyebrows at him, my eyes connecting with his. He giggles, playfully rolling his eyes in mock annoyance.

"I'm sorry, you're the fuckboy?" He laughs lightheartedly, raising his eyebrow. I lace our fingers together as he begins to gently pull me with him.

The lawn is clean and surprisingly cut for a sorority yard, which was usually littered with beer cans or red solo cups. The Greek letters Kappa, Omega, and Sigma sit perfectly aligned above the door, with a few party-goers leaning against the porch railing conversing amongst each other.

"It's packed in there," Jack says, nervously fiddling with my fingers. I squeeze his hand in a reassuring way, almost as if to say 'I'm right here'.

"Usually are, green bean," I say, giving him a lopsided smirk, understanding his anxiousness. He stops, resulting in me slowing my pace as I feel his hand slightly tug on mine to come back to him. I turn to look at him, unlocking my fingers from his, only to result in him gripping my hand tighter. "If it's too crowded, we can always head back." I scan his face, observing his dismal, cloudy eyes. "Parties are lame anyway."

"I, um, I don't really do well in social events. To be completely honest with you, I'd rather go back to the dorm and play video games or something, but I just thought that you'd like this better," Jack mumbles, shrugging sheepishly, shifting his gaze to the ground. I smile warmly at him as I step a bit closer to him, still keeping my distance.

"Jack, I don't care what we do... If you want, we can go home and play Mario Kart again, since last time we didn't really play." He studies my face, his lips curling into a smile.

"Okay, that sounds like fun... So, have you smoked before?" He fiddles with my fingers, almost making my heart burst from the small action.

This is what I want; a cute boyfriend who does cute shit and makes me feel all mushy with how cute he is with his cute little smile, and his cute little nose, his cute high pitched voice and his cute, striking resemblance to Seán.

_Dammit, Mark stop fucking ruining everything for yourself._

"Mark?" Jack squeaks out, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand, a heavy blush sweeping across his cheeks. "You're staring."

"O-Oh, I'm so sorry, I kinda... got lost in thought," I say, avoiding his eyes like I do when he catches me. He drops my hand, noting how uncomfortable the twist on our arms was. I can see him move closer to me in my peripheral vision, his breath soon fanning over my lips.

"About what?" His words drip with confidence as he boldly steps closer, smirking as he looks up at me with certainty.

_What has gotten into you?_

Placing my hands on his cheek, I feel myself slowly slipping into a deeper state of infatuation. I tilt my head to the side and Jack's eyes instinctively flutter close. I move my lips closer, keeping a few millimeters between us, not allowing myself to kiss him as I feel his boldness slowly melt away in my hands.

I move my hand to wrap around his neck lightly and the other at his hip as I bring my mouth to his ear and whisper in a seductive tone, "Faisons l'amour à moi."

A wave of panic floods over me, causing my stomach to drop as I think of Seán.

**_\--_ **

"Hey, babe," Seán yells, most likely thinking I was upstairs, kicking the cabin's front door shut. His hands were full of plastic bags that had 'Wal-Mart' written across them. His eyes scan the room, until they land on me, sitting with my eyes facing the door, my legs stretched across the couch.

"Salut," I say back cheerfully, having secretly missing my boyfriend. I casually scroll through my phone, checking snapchat and instagram, before opening reddit. I reposition myself to sit on the couch more comfortably.

"Salut, sweetheart," he says, kissing my forehead as he walks by. "I think I got everything we need, cereal, mac 'n cheese, butter, eggs, pancake mix, and m... shit, I forgot the milk."

"We can get it later, baby." I put my phone down on the coffee table, standing from the couch. "But for now..." I make my way around the couch as he places the bags of groceries down, maintaining eye contact with me. I stop in front of him, before leaning in to whisper, "Faisons l'amour à moi" in his ear.

I press my body onto his as he pulls me into a sweet yet lustful kiss. He swipes his tongue along my bottom lip, which I deny just to tease him. A gasp escapes my lips as his hand grabs my ass. He slides his tongue into my mouth which makes the kissing grow heated.

I pull away to take off his shirt. "Oh, and if you didn't know," I throw his shirt to the side, kissing him again, "it means 'make love to me' in French." Seán starts walking forward, grabbing my hips, causing me to step closer to him. We stumble to the stairs before he decides to pick me up, making his biceps flex as my legs wrap around his torso and his fingers grasp my thighs.

"You and your obsession with anything French, I swear," Seán says in mock aggravation with a small look of love in his eyes, resulting in me avoiding his longing gaze with a heavy blush on my face. "I promise I won't drop you." He lifts his foot and accidentally hits the lip of the step, sending us tumbling to the platform, coincidentally, just above the last successful step.

A small thud greets our ears as my back takes the fall onto the surprisingly softer-than-most carpeted step. A groan escapes my mouth as I look up to Seán hovering over me, careful to not put his weight on me, not that it would really affect anything. I smile up at him, so he gets the message that I'm fine. "Didn't you just promise not to drop me?"

"Désolé, love, didn't exactly mean to.. But, at least we landed on the second floor." He smirks down at me as I give him a playful glare. A small laugh bubbles in my throat as I try to stifle it. He studies me in a quizzical manner, silently interrogating me. "What is it, Mark."

"Who the fuck trips over the last step?" Sean places a hand over his heart, feigning hurt at my question. He uses his arms to push himself off of the floor to stand up, stepping past me, as I'm still laying on the platform.

"Well, someone's not getting dick tonight, now is he, smart ass," he says, adding a sniffle into his act, walking into our room.

I quickly get up, following him into the room. "Oh come on," I say, nearly jumping on him as we fell, but onto a bed this time. "Je t'aime," I whine, pushing out my bottom lip. His hand finds its place on my cheek as he connects our lips for a soft peck.

"I'm sorry for dropping you." I giggle at him until I see the worry in his eyes, cutting my laugh short.

I shake my head. "Seán, I'm fine. You didn't break anything, I'm still breathing." I kiss him again to let him know I wasn't lying. "So, we gonna bang or nah?"

"I didn't carry you up the stairs to not have sex, so," Seán says, holding out the word.

"Faisons l'amour à moi," I reply, straddling him as he takes off my shirt.

"Hmm.. ask nicely and I might consider it." He smirks smugly at me, resulting in me rolling my eyes in mock annoyance.

_You're lucky I love you, asshole._

"Faisons l'amour à moi, s'il vous plaît," I say in a lighter tone, adding a 'please' to the end. I slide my hand from resting on his thigh to gently squeeze his hip, laying down between his legs to kiss the exposed skin above the waistband of his skinny jeans.

Seán nods in impatient approval. "Je t'aime." His tone was the same as when he apologizes to me, bringing a small smile across my face, despite my attempts to look mad.

"Yeah, je t'aime, fuckface," I reply in a teasing manner, moving up to press my lips to his nose.

**_\--_ **

_Love is a fool's game._

"I speak English and Irish, Mark," Jack says sarcastically, a hint of impatience in his tone.

"Well, maybe you should learn French, it's the language of love, after all," I say, playfully defending myself–and my love for French.

"Yeah, well, if I have to learn French for my boyfriend to ki-"

I place my lips on his, cutting his sentence short and catching him off guard. He snakes his arms around my neck after the initial surprise, tangling one hand in my hair. I slide the hand at his neck down his back to wrap around his small frame, resting my hand on the small of his back.

We pull apart to catch our breaths as the sexual tension seems to rise. He looks up at me with a smug smile. "I take it back."

"Which part, the 'won't kiss me' part or the boyfriend part?" I dispute, teasingly. He rolls his eyes. "Damn, your eyes might fall out if you do that so often." He rolls his eyes again, a slight smirk resting on his soft lips. "Gods, I hate you." I peck his lips before grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the house.

A few people turn to look at us as we walk onto the porch. "Heyyy, Mark," a voice calls from the porch. I laced Jack and I's fingers before reaching the steps that lead to the patio. Bob squeezes, albeit a bit clumsily, past some of the people gathered around the keg outside.

"Aye, Bob, I didn't know you were here," I say, he chuckles, looking over at Jack.

"Oh, who's your friend?" He bends both his index and middle fingers on either hand to make air quotes around the word 'friend'.

"Bob, this is my..." I trail off, looking at Jack for help. His eyes gleam in the moonlight, a small sparkle to them. I clear my throat as I continue my sentence, "Boyfriend, Jack." An almost surprised look overtakes Jack's features.

"Boyfriend?" Bob asks, the look on Jack's face being voiced from my taller friend. "Haven't heard you use that term since Felix." My hand instinctively tightens at the sound of his name, not hard enough to hurt Jack, just enough to be noticeable.

"Speaking of, where's Wade?" I jab back, playfully. Bob laughs, his eyes crinkling behind his glasses, oblivious to my aversion of mentioning Felix. He points to the porch where a group of guys were holding Wade upside down, the keg's hose in his mouth.

Bob rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance. "We dated in high-school, Fischbitch over here just can't get over it." A small snort from my right catches me off guard as Jack places his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his small giggles at the nickname. "Aw, he's so cute," Bob comments, smiling down at Jack, who was still trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Mine," I nearly growl, a small sense of possessiveness blinding me. I look over to see Jack smiling at me, almost like he was pleasantly surprised by my reaction. I clear my throat, shuffling awkwardly "How's Molly?"

Bob shifts his gaze from Jack to me. "She's good, hanging out with Fe and Marzia right now." Jack's hand becomes stiff. I run my thumb over the backside of his hand to try and calm him. "I guess I should get going, Wade is almost blackout drunk, as per usual. See ya, Mark's boyfriend, Jack."

"Bye," I say to him, waiting for him to turn his back on us. He starts walking backwards, giving us a small wave before turning around to find his best friend. I turn my attention to Jack. "We can just go home if you'd like." I drop his hand only to cup his face. He grabs my left arm.

"I don't want to ruin your ni-"

"Baby, you're not ruining anything." His eyes flicker between mine. He looks down at our feet and I use my index finger to lift his chin to lock eyes. "Trust me."

He nods, moving closer as he wraps his arms around my body. I place one hand on his back, rubbing small circles on his back, the other hand in his hair, playing with the green strands.

"Jack, I know I don't seem like it–you know, being a fuckboy and all–but, I'd really like to be at least friends... if not, living together is going to be awkward."

His chest vibrates against mine as his high pitched laugh fills the air. "I thought we were boyfriends?" He raises an eyebrow at me, a soft smile looming on his lips.

We kiss a lot... I would love to see him in bed.

But, I would also love to see him in a booth at my favorite diner, or in a chair at the movies, or in my passenger seat belting the lyrics along with the radio. I want to wake up beside him, or cook for him, or play Mario Kart all day, or study for a big exam.

It's obvious we care for each other, it's obvious we like each other, or at least half of us do. The only reason I'm not jumping to be his boyfriend is... fear. I don't want a repeat of my past relationships, especially my last relationship.

I loved Felix, I loved Seán too...

**_\--_ **

"Mark Fischbach, may I have this dance?" Seán asks, his hand outstretched to take mine, causing my heart to swell. I can't believe we're here. No fears, no worries, it's just him and I.

"Yes, Seán McLoughlin, I would love to dance with you." There's no one yelling 'fags' or 'get a room, you homos' or any other derogatory statements. It's just the music and the thumping of our hearts that were almost perfectly synced. I take his hand in mine, loving the warmth of his palm.

I'm slightly shorter than Seán, which causes me to tilt my head up an inch or two to connect my eyes with his. "Gods, I love you," he says, causing me to drop my head with a blush on my cheeks.

"I-I love you, too." I look up at him with sincerity as he connects our lips. The ballroom seemed to be brighter at this moment as most of the straight couples were just there because it'd be weird not to show up to prom. But Seán and I? We're here to give each other the night we'll always remember.

"I'm going to marry you one day, you know that?" His voice sent chills down my spine as a bundle of butterflies erupt in my stomach. How does one person have this much of an effect on me?

 

"I'm holding you to that promise, McLoughlin.." He smiles at me, sending a wave of warmness down my body.

"Go on ahead, Fischbach, I don't plan on breaking it anytime soon."

**_\--_ **

"Let's go home," Jack says, his face still buried into my shoulder. He retracts from me, the warmth following him. "I want to beat you in Mario Kart, Fischbitch."

"Oh, you're fucking on, Jack-Off." He gives me a look that basically deadpans 'that's the best you can do?' "What, it's not like I know your last name, jackass. Hey! Jack-Ass, that one's better lmao."

"Did you just say 'lmao'?" Jack's eyebrow raises again, he does that a lot when he's amused. The similarities just go on and on... "Like, as if we're texting?" I look away from him, blushing, hoping the dark of the night will cover up my embarrassment, but of course, it doesn't. "Are you sure you're a fuckboy?"

"I haven't even slept with that many people, honestly," I say, trailing off. "Seán, Felix... um."

 

**Jack**

Mark pulls his fingers down with his other hand's index finger, counting off everyone he's banged. I smile at him, a small sense of contempt in the pit of my belly.

"Ajay, Felix again, but you know about that... uh, Danny, Louis, Alexander(Hamilton), Ian, Harry, Arin..."

The world spins as Mark's voice fades away.

 _Arin_.

**_\--_ **

As I wipe away my tears, I see my mother walk into my room through my cloudy vision. "Jack," she starts softly, pulling me in for a tight hug. I push my head into her chest, soaking her shirt. The tears well up in my eyes and I let them fall onto her as she holds me tightly.

"I love him, Ma! Why would he think I-I cheated on him?" The sobs rack through my spine harder as I grab onto her shoulders, a desperate try to calm myself down. "I-I'm sorry," I say, lightly pushing her away. "You're probably tired of my bullshit, Ma, I'm sorry."

My mother pulls me back into her embrace as the door swings open. "Mom," my brother–who left for America for drugs and fame 14 years previously–says, his American 'accent' thicker than my Irish one.

My ma turns towards him in a questioning manner.

"I need help with dad," he says, his icy cold glare focused on my crumpled body on the carpeted floor.

My mother stands up, before releasing me from her grasp to help my brother with my pa. The slam of the screen door makes me jump slightly. "Mark..." I sigh, putting my head in my hands. "Fuck!" I yell, my throat burning like I had downed six shots of vodka. Throwing my arms in the void around me, I knock off various things previously perched on the counters, listening as they clatter on the ground.

My phone rings and I yank it out of my back pocket to see who it is, nearly sending it flying across my room. 'Pumpkin <3'. Mark. I quickly accept and place it on my ear. A few seconds of silence, then a flurry of muffled noises greet my ear.

"Mark," someone says and the voice sends shivers down my spine. Mainly because he's not saying it, he's moaning it. I press the phone harder to my ear, trying to pick up what they're saying.

I hear someone moan and my stomach drops when I realize it's Mark. "Arin... fu-fucking hell." My vision blurs as tears well up in my eyes, a choked sob escaping my lips. The smacking of skin fades while the numbness of pain overtakes my hand, resulting in me dropping my phone.

My screams make my throat draw numb and the tears wet my cheeks as I don't even try to collect myself. I have pieced myself back together so many times that not even glue could help me right now.

Noises I've only heard from Mark–when he was mine–bounce around in my brain and my sobs echo throughout my home.

I pick my exhausted body from the floor and drag myself into the bathroom, leaving my shattered phone lying face down on the wooden floor of my living room.

_Why doesn't he understand?_

I close the drain and turn the nozzle as cold water splashes onto the bottom of the tub.

_I love him..._

I take off my shoes and socks, carelessly throwing them across the room and miss the basket placed neatly by the door.

_I never meant to hurt him._

Taking off the rest of my clothes I look into the mirror, being met with instant regret, looking away almost immediately after. I grab the top left drawer handle and pull it open, fishing around for the hole to the secret compartment. Slipping my index finger through, I feel the cold metal ghost over my fingertip. I haven't had to do this in a long time.

I'm tired of being accused a cheater, I'm tired of no longer being able to call him mine, I'm tired of the pain.

I'm tired of  _breathing_.

I place myself in the tub, stopping the water before it drips over the sides. I place the metallic blade on the top of the tub wall, looking down at my wrists. The last time I self-harmed was the night Mark and I started dating. He was the only thing that held me together.

He's the only thing that can, and has, torn me apart.

**_\--_ **

I snap myself back to the present.

"Any 'Mark's' in there?" I ask meekly, my body tensing as I await Mark's answer.

"I don't fancy the idea of fucking myself, no. But uh, yeah, no 'Mark's in my banger history." He winks, resulting in me rolling my eyes again. "Like browser history... but bang- no?"

My face breaks out in a smile as I can't hold a serious form around him. He was just humorous without trying to be. "I got it, Fish-Bitch(I'm spelling it like this on purpose, js). So, why blue?" I ask, changing the topic, not wanting to feel sad about my ex-fiancé. He gives me a quizzical look and I point at my green bangs. "Does the colour represent your inner feeling?"

"No.. it um," he looks at the grass that was shrouding his shoes like the clouds surround the sun on a dreary day. "Kind of represents the ocean that separated me and Seán." I'm sure my skin is littered with goosebumps. My eyes were wider than they were a few seconds ago, I'm sure. "I'm fucking with you, it's my second favourite colour."

"Second favourite colour, why not just dye it your favourite?" I ask; he gives me a look of consideration. "I mean, mine's not my favourite colour... but still."

"How about we stop at Walmart and buy our favourite colour hair dye?" Mark asks, smiling down at me. "I mean, Christmas break is almost over, so... best way to end it... dyeing our hair." I laugh, loving his awkwardness. I give him a small, yet eager nod.

I grab Mark's hand as we begin our adventure towards Walmart.

Honestly, I'm fine with whatever the fuck me and Mark are. I just like spending time with him. It sucks he's a fuckboy though...

****

We walk through the automatic doors once we get to Wal-Mart, hand-in-hand as we quickly walk to the beauty department. We stroll down the aisle finding our favorite colours.

I pick up the black box that had a female model who displayed yellow hair. I smile slightly, before turning to Mark who held a box of red hair dye.

"Ready to go?" I ask.

"Your favorite colour is yellow?" He rotates the box in my hand to study the model. I look at the ground, swirling the front half of my shoe on the shiny floor, embarrassed. "Not a bad thing, blushy boy."

"Haha, okay, let's go," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "I'll pay."

"No, I'll pay, it was my idea anyway." I raise an eyebrow at him. "I'm not always a fuckboy, okay."

****

Finally back, I kick the dorm room's door closed as I pull out my box. "So, how are we doing this?" Mark walks over to me and grabs his box out of the bag.

He looks up at me, connecting our eyes. "We can always dye each other's hair. I mean, if you want." I smile at him.

"Sure, why not?" I rip open the box of Splat!(TM) Hair dye and pull out the instructions, only grabbing them for the gloves inside. Mark follows suit as he pulls everything out onto the couch. He swings his legs around the arm to sit on one side of the couch as I make my way to the other.

"Also comes with bleach," Mark says, I look up to realize he's reading off the cardboard box. "Good, because this blue is too dark so..."

I open the bleach packet and carefully pour it into the bottle that it's supposed to go into to make bleach. Undeniably being tempted to drink it, I slap on my gloves and lather the substance over the green parts of my hair.

"I thought we were doing each other's," Mark questions in an over dramatically sad tone.

"This is bleach, I don't need my eyeballs whitened," I say, jokingly, setting a timer on my phone for thirty minutes.

****

The alarm from my phone sounds and I walk into the kitchen to wash out the bleach in the sink, before turning off the annoying alarm. My hair is a soft blonde while it's bleached, and it looks kind of cute, but I want it to be yellow.

_Happy Hair._

I grab a rag originally meant for the dishes to wring my hair out with, passing Mark who was walking to the sink, to sit down on the couch. I extend my legs onto the coffee table, crossing one over the other to get comfortable as I wait. Once Mark dries his hair, he walks back to sit on the couch, facing me. "So... how are we doing this?"

I hand him the bottle containing the yellow dye that I had already prepared for him. "Just, don't make it look like shit, Fish-Bitch." He smiles at me, in a warm and calming way.

"You really like that nickname, don't you?" I nod my head as he scoots closer to me, sitting on his knees to dye my hair. I can feel his breath on my forehead as he concentrates on the bleached strands.

I search for my phone, using my hands to paw around the couch, careful not to move my head. I find it under my leg and turn it on as I pick it up. "I'm changing your contact name to it. Since you know, you texted yourself and didn't close out of the message app."

"Not exactly my fault, you're the one who grabbed it from me. I barely got to hit send before you stormed back in." I roll my eyes, an uncomfortable sense of hurt swarms inside my body.

"I stormed back in because you wouldn't fuck me," I mumble, a wave of panic erupting in my gut. He places the bottle on the coffee table, removing his gloves to hook a finger under my chin, gently coaxing me to look at him.

"Jack, I am so so sorry, I honestly don't have an excuse for you. This doesn't make you any less beautiful. I didn't mean to hurt you," he says in a soothing tone, cupping my face in his hands and rubbing his thumbs in between my jawline and cheekbone.

"I-I was kidding," I say half-heartedly, grabbing his arms in a weak attempt to push his hands away.

"Jack, I know when someone's sad, and I know when someone's acting." He runs his thumb over my skin gently, causing goosebumps to form on my arms.

Images of Felix and Mark in bed flood my mind, a small headache coming with it. "You remember when I told you about my ex-fiancé? How he thought I cheated on him?" I ask, carefully. Mark nods, not moving from his position, which looks oddly uncomfortable. "I understand why he reacted like that now."

"I might have overreacted."

My eyes slightly widen with surprised confusion. "What?"

"I-I mean with my situation, sorry. It's kind of funny that fate put us through the same thing and then we meet later on in life."

"You believe this was fate, Fish-bitch?" He removes his hands, only to place them back inside of the gloves. He picks up the bottle off of the table and goes back to what he was previously doing.

"I mean, what else explains that you ended up dating my ex, becoming my roommate, pretending to be my boyfriend. It just makes sense that we were destined to be in each other's lives. Why? Am I coming on too strong?" He winks, smirking in the slightest.

He squeezes the bottle one last time and runs his hand through my hair to even everything out. Giving me a smile when our eyes connect again, before pulling off the yellow covered gloves.

_Pretending to be my boyfriend._

"No, it's just, I wrote them off as coincidence, I never stopped to think. I mean I know everything happens for a reason, but I just never thought too hard on it." I reach over his lap to get the red dye for him.

I stand on my knees, copying the position Mark was previously in. "Is it a coincidence that my name is Mark?" He gives me a raised eyebrow look. I shake the bottle, before lathering it into his hair.

"Hmm," I hum, thoughtfully. "I didn't really think about it. I don't really want to date anyway.. I mean I'm still searching for my Mark, you're looking for Sean, and another person to bang. Plus, when you date someone you either break up or get married." I cover his blonde locks with the red substance.

"Or you get engaged, and then break up... gods, I'm so stupid for letting him leave me, I should've gone with him to Ireland." My hands freeze as my whole body tenses. I went back to Ireland.

_It's just a coincidence, calm the fuck down._

I continue dyeing Mark's hair to a firetruck red colour, hoping he didn't notice my change in behavior.

"Aaaaand done. Deep, touching conversation now over," I remark, sitting on my knees and putting the bottle of hair dye on the table. "Okay, Fish-Bitch, now we wait thirty-ish minutes." I grab my phone, setting a timer. "Oi, before I forget."

**Jack:**

**ayyyye, fish-bitch**

Mark's phone buzzes as he pulls it out of his back pocket. Scanning over the screen, an amused look overtakes his features. "You spelt it wrong," he says, sliding the notification to the right to reply.

**FishBitch** **:**

**it's fischbitch, bc my last name is Fischbach**

I feel the colour drain from my face.


	9. Clarity

❝ ** _I love you, believe me, I do._** ❞

❝ ** _You don't know what love is._** ❞

 

**Jack**

I try to hide the slight panic on my face as the heart in my chest drums louder and louder. Mark glances up from his phone to affix his brown eyes on me. A slight chill runs throughout my entire spine as his gaze softens, observing my look of distress.

"Are you alright, Jack?" His voice is filled with concern. His bright eyes flit to my hand resting on the cushion between us before returning to my gaze. He places his soft hand on top of mine and runs the pad of his thumb over the backside of my palm.

I unwillingly relax into the touch before jolting back into reality, comprehending the situation and instinctively pulling away from him completely. "I-I forgot something at Ken's," I stammer out, my voice wavering with my confidence, standing from the couch and walking around the coffee table, as to not grow any closer to Mark than needed. "It's uh, it's pretty important. S-so-"

I trip over a loose shirt, carelessly laying on Mark's side of the room. I regain my balance as to not tumble to the ground and open the door, before stepping into the hallway.

"Uh, don't wait up," I say, attempting to cover my bitter tone with a nervous laugh. Closing the door behind me, I basically tiptoe to the door opposite Mark's. I raise my fist to knock on the door, clenching my teeth.

"Felix, what the hell, man?" Ken's voice was muffled by the wooden door separating us. My arm drops to my side and my body stiffens. The conversation continues. I press my ear against the door. "Mark,  _seriously_? Mark, the fuckboy? You cheated on someone who actually put up with your shit for Ma-"

"Listen, Ken, you don't fucking understand. It was the heat of the momen-"

"No, do not give me the 'heat of the moment'  _bullshit_. Jack was actually your boyfriend, maybe you should've  _heat of the moment_  with him. What were you even doing over there?" Felix hesitates, a slight shuffling comes from within and then a heavy sigh.

"I don't, I don't know. I was just pissed that he was going to be roommates with Jack, alone with him. I guess I was scared  _he'd_  cheat on  _me_." Felix's voice wavers as if on the edge of breaking.

"Yeah, well he didn't." Ken's voice grows closer to the door. " _You_  did, and the only thing you can do is beg for forgiveness because you're the dickhead that had sex with your ex in your boyfriend's dorm room." Ken's voice is cold, yet hisses off hot oil that hopefully scorches Felix. I push myself away, before looking at the door in confusion.

I ball my hand into a fist again to knock, before Ken rips open the door. "Hi, I-I um... I wanted to speak with Felix." He turns and gives Felix an almost too common look. Ken clenches his jaw before I step out of the way for him to leave.

Hesitantly, I walk into Ken's dorm and cautiously stand in front of Felix, not daring to make eye contact that lasted more than a few seconds. "It meant nothing, he meant nothing," Felix immediately defends himself, looking at me in despair. I'm a bit thrown off guard, as I thought of Felix as a guy who would at least apologize first, even if it was shitty and half-ass, a simple 'sorry' would've sufficed. He shifts forward, his arms lunging for my small torso. I jerk back, not wanting him to touch me in such a way he did before he cheated on me. And with some fuckboy, too.

"To you, maybe." I move away from him, not even wanting him to be in my presence anymore. I lift my arm up backwards, my fingers grazing the doorknob.

"Don't be like that," he says, moving towards me again.

I let out a baffled laugh. "Like what? Hurt, offended? Upset that my boyfriend cheated on me? What the fuck do you mean, 'don't be like that'?"

The world around me slows down and I feel a hand collide with my cheek. My hand leaves the cool metal doorknob to touch my stinging cheek. "Now, I didn't want to do that, but I need you to calm do-"

"Calm down?! You can't fucking hit me and then tell me to calm down! You can't hit me because I'm upset that you fucking cheated on me!" Felix's eyes turn... darker. Almost like a dull blue, but more  _sinister_.

"I can and I will." His smile causes my knees to lock to prevent them from shaking. Not because he was hot or I was in love with him, but because I am truly terrified of the man in front of me. He pushes me onto the bed.

"What are you doing?" He climbs on top of me, placing his legs on either side of my hips. "Get the fuck off of me, you psycho!"

"You know," he says, slowly grinding himself onto me, causing me to shift uncomfortably underneath him. He bends down to place his lips beside my ear. "I wouldn't have to cheat if my boyfriend wanted to fuck me."

I forcefully shove his chest away from me, the scent of lust and betrayal lingering in my nostrils. "Just because I wanted to be your boyfriend instead of your slut, does not give you the right t-" He swings his hand across my face again, as my head moves with the force of the blow.

I blink away the tears forming in my eyes. "Don't you dare say stupid shit like that, you mean more to me than some random fuck."

"If I-I mean so much, why are you hitting me?" I whimper weakly, not wanting to anger him any more than I already had. I close my eyes, preparing myself for the next brutal punch to my heart.

"Because you won't listen to me, if you would just hear me out, I could explain why I did it." I sniffle a bit, trying to stop myself from letting out a whimper. "You're not as innocent as people think, I know about you and Mark."

_I just want to be loved._

"Baby boy, look at me."

Please, just love me. Don't be like  _him_. I shake my head, not wanting to see him. Not wanting this to be real. Not wanting to go through any of this again. My throat closes up as the bitter feeling of being trapped resurfaced.

"Darling," he says, delicately grabbing my chin to look at him. A lot more gentle than his actions before.

"Y-yes?" My voice comes out in a shaky, frail tone, but I just wanted the strength to leave, push him away, know I don't deserve this.

"I love you, believe me, I do." He leans into me, forcing his rough lips on mine in a determined kiss.

It was my turn to slap him. "You don't know what love is," I say, my voice rattling like the anger in my veins as I swat his hand away from my face, not allowing his malicious talons of words to pierce my mind any further. I press my hands against his chest once more, throwing him off of me before his repulsive lips touched mine again.

I hate him.

The rage in my system outweighs the fear and I plant my feet on the ground, standing from the bed Felix held me down on, the bed that Felix made me feel weak, stuck, cornered. "Don't you dare touch me again."

I rush to the door, not wanting to waste another moment with that scum. The swing of my arm causes the wooden door to slam. I look at my room and debate whether or not to just go to bed. Another person I hate right now.

No, this is bullshit. I'm tired of people treating me like they can just walk all over me, fuck that. I am strong and I deserve a hell of a lot better than what I'm getting. The absolute love of my life is through that door.

I grab the doorknob, twisting it until I hear a soft click. The anger is soon turned into anxiety as the thought of Mark re-enters my brain.

Mark. My soulmate.

Right in front of me.

Holding my breath, I open the door.

Mark turns his head, his beautiful eyes locking with mine. It was like the wind and the anger was knocked out of me with a single look.

The man that I loved. The man that I love, sitting  _right there._

"Did you find what you were looking for?" I gently shut the door behind me without turning my back to Mark.

"Y-Yeah." After suffering for two and a half years, I finally found you, Mark Fischbach.

 

**Mark**

Jack moves across the floor to the couch I was sitting at. He passes by me, a slight blush on his skin. "Are you okay, Jackaboy?"

He eagerly sits down on the opposite end of the couch. "I'm fine," he says happily, positioning himself to where he was facing me and crosses his legs.

"What happened over there?" A small ball of jealousy brews in the pit of my stomach, I scan Jack's face as his happy expression wavers.

"I, um, I don't want to talk about it." He adverts his sea-soaked blue eyes from my gaze, instead now taking interest in his socked feet.

"Jack, I wanna do something, a-and I don't want you to freak out." The lump in my throat grows larger, harder to swallow. I lean my body forward, stretching over to reach him on the opposite side of the medium sized couch. Wrapping my arms around him, I pull him closer to me, pressing his forehead into my chest.

He exhales, linking his arms around me as I place him into my lap. "I-I'm sorry, Mark. It's just Felix bullshit. I guess I kinda deserve the abuse he-"

I jerk my head up, pushing his body away enough to where our eyes meet. Cupping his cheeks I say, "Jack whatever-the-fuck-your-last-name-is, you do not deserve anything but love, and you will never  _ever_  deserve the abuse he puts people through." I stare into his crystal eyes as tears begin to form.

"Did he-e..." His voice cracks in the middle of his sentence, so he clears his throat. "Did he do that to you?" The sympathy in his voice shatters my heart, as the pure sentence reminds me of the souls that still reside in people like Jack. I nod, dropping my right arm, my head following shortly after. Jack tilts my chin up. "You don't deserve that either."

"Jack, I really wanna do something and I don't want you to fre-" Before I can finish my sentence he gently places his lips onto mine.

\--

The sun cascades from the window, covering my fiancé's beautiful body in rays of light. The comforter lays lazily over his hip, leaving his torso uncovered. I prop my head onto my hand. He is so beautiful and I honestly couldn't ask for anyone else.

This is my dream. This is the dream I'm living. This is the dream I wanted when I swallowed all those pills. I wasn't happy and Seán was so scared I wasn't going to make it out, and I was scared I'd never see him again.

But, here we are. Sleeping in the same room, in the same bed. Engulfed in the lightness that'll always shine brighter than the dark. The darkness for me was depression and a severe risk of Borderline Personality Disorder. His was depression, anxiety, and a possibility of Bipolar Disorder.

We're better now, we're no longer in that spot. It was just me against the world and him against his own, but now we're together battling side-by-side, and that'll never stop until one of us is buried. I can't wait for our wedding. I don't even care if it's perfect, I wouldn't care if I looked as ugly as I do right now, I want to be his husband already.

Seán stirs, breaking me from my thought. I place my hand on his waist, caressing his bare skin. He leans into my touch, his head resting on my chest. Even though he was obviously more dominant than I'll ever be, I love feeling like I'm his protection. Like we're both protecting each other from the evil that resides in this world.

He looks up, meeting his eyes with mine. A small smile dances upon my lips as his bedhead matches his slipping eyelids. "Good morning, my love."

\--

I love Jack.


	10. Lovely

**_❝You're so lovely, and I messed this up, so please let me fix it.❞_ **

 

**Jack**

 

His soft, gentle hands roam my body, causing sharp waves of cool shivers to echo along my spine. A feeling of liberation accompanying his delicate fingers as they touch my hot skin. I snake my arms up his chest, resting my open palm on his neck and allowing my other to grab his broad shoulder. He holds my hips and tugs me closer to him, our chests pressing against one another with each breath, his sweet and salty sighs filling my lungs.

He pulls away from my parted lips before attaching his tongue to the side of my pale neck. A soft moan passes through my lips as my hands tangle themselves with his raven and cherry hair, staining my fingers red. He bucks his hips on mine as I give a small tug to his locks. I gasp out, biting harshly at my bottom lip.

A light moan from under me causes me to smirk. "Baby, I need you," Mark groans, rolling his hips against my bum. 

I close my lips tightly to stifle a moan, a small whine resonating instead. "M-Mark." The friction between us almost becoming unbearable as I hurriedly take off my shirt, sinking lower into his lap. He brushes my cock lightly as he takes ahold of my pant's zipper.

The sound of my alarm causes us to jump. Mark's bulky arms catch me from falling off his lap as a heavy blush sweeps over my cheeks. I reach for my phone on the coffee table and turn off the alarm, letting out a squeal as Mark lifts me into the air.

He stands to walk towards the bathroom. "Maaark," I laugh in surprise, "put me down," I whine, struggling to unhinge myself from his tight grasp. He closes the door behind him with a soft thud. His eyes flicker to my naked torso, placing a gentle, wet kiss on my neck.

"It's time to rinse out our hair dye, darling," he says with a toothy grin. His eyes twinkle as he gazes into mine. I unwrap my legs from around his torso and grasp his cheeks, tilting my head to place an adoring kiss on his nose.

Giggling, I pull away from him. His tan hand reaches for the shower handle as he pulls it to the hotter end of the temperature.

I snake my arms around my waist, shielding my body from his eyes. He gives me a small smile as the lust in his eyes mix with a different emotion-worry. He moves to clasp my arms with both of his soft hands.

"You're absolutely beautiful, Jack," he says, pulling my arms away from my shivering body. "You have nothing to be insecure about. Your body is nice, your face is adorable, your laugh is literally the cutest sound I've ever heard, you have an amazing smile, and your personality is just so"-Mark turns my body around to look at the mirror hanging on the wall, diagonal to the shower-"lovely. You are so... lovely." He plants a loving kiss on my neck, soft and innocent, making my knees weak and buckle at the same time.

I look back at my shocked appearance as his words hit me full force. Lovely. "I-Is that really how you see me? Or is this your way of cheering me up?" Mark's eyes widen in a sense that almost physically hurt me, Seán, why are you so dumb?

"Jack, believe m-" I turn to face him and crane my neck to capture his lips with mine. He smiles into the kiss as his hands find their way on the small of my back and I wrap my arms around his neck. I broke away from the kiss, trying to regain the normality of my breathing.

"I do." I look down at our pressing bodies. "I'm sorry." Wow, what a piece of shit I am, in my defence I was never taught how to react to compliments appropriately, so I just continued to deny them. And after the whole Mark thing... I guess this is technically still the Mark thing.

He places his fingers under my chin in the movie cliché way, which admittedly made me smile, and guides my head up for him to gaze into my eyes with his own beautiful, dark chocolate eyes. Eyes that contain galaxies and stars which he traps behind his metal glasses. The light reflects off them stunningly, making his eyes look shiny and bright.

-

"So, is this it?" I ask, trying not to seem impatient with the given circumstance. The glasses sitting upon Mark's nose suit him well, but it was almost like he couldn't be satisfied with how they looked on him. He shakes his head and gently grasps the frame of the glasses and places it back on the rack with multiple rows and columns of similar looking glasses. "Babe, they all look great on you." I wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his left shoulder.

He places his hands on my arms, smiling down at them. "I don't know, I just... feel like if I choose the wrong one, I'll look stupid." I cock my head to stare at the reflection of his lowered head. "Sorry," he lifts his head up to connect our eyes, "that's dumb."

"Hey, no, your feelings are not dumb. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling." His lips curl into a small smile. "Plus, these glasses will only make you look hotter, which I didn't even know was a thing." I press my lips to his warm, red cheek as he shrugs me off of him.

"Right, whatever." He smiles at me with an adoring look. "Why don't you pick?" A slight chill of anxiety spirals down my spine. I hesitantly pick up a metal pair of glasses that didn't have the silver frames on the bottom half. "Oh?" Mark takes the glasses from my hand and places them on his face. He smiles at his reflection, tilting his head up, the glare of his glasses making his eyes sparkle. "I look..."

"Lovely," I whisper, admirably kissing his neck. "You look amazing, babe."

"So, have you found the perfect one?" The sales lady asks, a patient smile on her lips. Mark glances at her before directing his attention to me. His lips curl into a toothy grin and he nods.

-

Are those the same pair? It's been so long. The left side of his glasses' frame looks a little scratched up. "Mark, I..." Woah, Sean, don't you dare say you love him. "I think the water's warm now." Mark grins down at me, tightening his grip on me.

"Is that so?" Mark places his lips on mine in a swift kiss, shorter than I want. "After you, love." He unwraps his arms around me and I unhook mine, letting my hands slip down his torso. I turn from him, unbuttoning my pants and pulling them off of me, my briefs slipping off as well. Mark follows after me.

I step into the steamy rectangular shower. I turn my back to the shower head and tilt my head back to wash out the yellow dye. Mark stares, almost as if captivated by the water beads rolling off my pale skin. "You coming, Markimoo?"

He snaps his eyes to mine, a small smirk playing on his lips. He takes his glasses off and places them on the sink's counter. "Of course, Jackypoo." He steps into the shower, closing the door behind him and stands in front of me.

Closing my eyes, I lace my fingers into my hair and let out a slight moan. Mark's fingers graze over my mid-torso as the sudden contact makes me shudder.

"I like the sound of that," Mark hums, placing his lips on my neck. He hums, sending vibrations through my skin, causing me to giggle. His lips disconnect from me. "And I love the sound of that." His eyes connect with mine, his gaze softening. "You're so fucking beautiful, holy shit."

A huge blush sweeps over my cheeks and I look down at how close our bodies are pressed. "Y-You're one to talk." His chest flushes against mine, cupping my cheek with his soft hands. "You're gorgeous. Has anyone told you that?" A small chill spirals up his back as Mark presses a light kiss to my lips. Red and yellow hair dye wash down our skin as the water gently beats against us. A nice way to end our day. A small tear slips past my cheek, blending in with the shower-head's water. I found you.

Sadly, he moves away from the kiss, switching our bodies so he's under the stream more than I am. "You know a part of me still wants to find Seán, but another part wants to stay in this moment." Well, that's not something you hear everyday.

"A part of me feels that is unfair-" Mark interrupts me with a brief and loving kiss.

"I mean... don't you want to find Mark?" I already have. "Because sometimes I feel I can't go another day without Seán fuckin' McLoughlin."

"Mark, I... I've already found him," I say, looking down at my hands.

"Then what are you doing fucking around with me?" There was no malice in his voice, just confusion and curiosity.

"Mark Edward slash Smartass Fischbach, I'm Seán slash Jack William McLoughlin." **  
**

 

**Mark**

 

The tension between us grew. An hour ago, Jack... or Seán dropped a fucking bomb. "So, what exactly... first of all, if this is a fucking joke, it isn't funny."

"Mark for the last time, I'm not kidding. Here, look." Jack steps over to his nightstand, opening up the drawer and holding out his bracelet, no, Seán's bracelet. "You gave this to me. You thought it wouldn't mean anything because it wasn't a ring, but it means the goddamn world to me."

-

"Okay, and how would you like your bracelet to be designed?" The elder woman asks, a small smile on her lips.

"Um, is there a way of making it look cheaper than it costs? My fiancé doesn't like it when I spend a lot of money." The woman chuckles and reaches behind her. She opens a drawer and pulls out a bunch of string of various thickness and designs. "And how much are these?"

"Normally they're only one to two dollars, but for you, it's free. What would you like?" I glance over the options, before pointing at the black string.

"Is there a way I could get three of these, I'll pay." She shakes her head, handing me three black strings. "Uh, for the plate I was thinking something rectangular with a custom quote on it. That's pretty generic, but is my own handwriting an option?"

"For someone who wants to make it look cheap... But, it's your bracelet, or hers." I shift uncomfortably, trying not to make it noticeable. His. "Or his, I don't judge." I look up at her, my eyes a bit wider, before smiling.

"Thank you," I whisper. She returns the smile, before reaching below her and pulling out a form for me to fill out. I write the exact quote I want and make sure my handwriting looks at least decent.

"If you want you can engrave your names on the back, it'll be small, but if you know what you're looking for, you'll find it." I nod, writing our names in the two blanks at the top. Mark Smartass Fischbach and Seán Jackass McLoughlin. I turn the paper around to show the lady and she laughs.

"It's an inside joke." I push the paper towards her and reach for my wallet in my back pocket.

"I'm sure he'll love it." She rings up the total, before taking the form in the back room.

-  


"To the moon and back, that's my favorite part of our quote. No matter how far we were, we still loved each other," Tears brim his sapphire eyes, as they widen when I reach his gaze.

"I also said not to take it off unless you stopped loving me, so..." I fold my arms over my chest, staring at his graphic tee, not meeting his eyes once again. 

He grabs the outside of my arm. "I take it off when I shower. That's it, I love you with all of my fucking heart, Mark. I've spent the last few years looking for you. And here you are. Is it so hard to believe that I'm Seán?!" The hurt in his voice causes me to look up as fresh tears roll down the apples of his cheeks.

Frustrated he moves his hand away from me. 

"You didn't have the best childhood. You're mom was an addict, and when she died your dad took you in, until he sadly died. Your brother, Jason, raised you after. We met in middle school and I would sometimes come over and play Mario Kart. One time we kissed and I asked you to be my boyfriend. We had two best friends Tyler, and then Ethan. They started dating in high school. We eventually moved in together. We were each other's first. I'm scared of storms and you were the first boyfriend who, amusingly, distracted me by having sex. Do you remember that? That was so long ago..." Words came out of his mouth at lightning speed, only pausing for short breaths.

"Jack..."

"Just, listen. You used to self-harm. You used to self-harm and I tried my best to get you to love yourself as much as I loved you. As much as I love you. I gave you a ring, you gave me a bracelet, which, by the way, is not from Walmart. Even though, you said it was. We had seventh period in Senior Year together. Drama. It was your favorite class. We would read lines together, because you thought you couldn't get it quite right, but I always thought you were brilliant. After class we would go home, or on a date, or a walk, and you promised we would go to L.A. together. Our senior year field trip we went to Disneyland. I-I have pictures on my laptop. I promised I would take you back to California one day and we would live happily ever after. Then, my father got sick and you started college. I had to fly home to Ireland and asked you to come with me, I never wanted us to end. I don't want us to ever end. I'm sorry." Jack was breathless, taking in gulps of air.

He calms his breathing, taking in deep breathes like he used to when he had a panic attack. "Seán," I say, cupping my hands around his cheeks. "I was going to say 'I believe you'. Don't be sorry. It was a misunderstanding."

"Why would you ever think I would give something up for a stupid girl," he whispers, his eyes trailing away from mine. "She was an old friend, she's really friendly and we missed each other, that's why she kissed my cheek. That's all. She knows I'm gay and I've talked to her about you. She knows how much I'm in love with you."

"I-I'm sorry I overreacted. I never should've thought you would do something like that. You are perfect, and caring, and just... lovely. You're so lovely, and I messed this up, so please let me fix this," I whisper back, removing my hand from his cheek to place around his back, coaxing him towards me. He wraps his arms around my waist and places his head on my chest, wet teardrops staining my shirt. I kiss the top of his head, before resting mine on his. "I miss you."

 

_**fin.** _


End file.
